DilIon

[lisa barhigh @scorpiobff]

U get high and call on the regular

[DilIon @ogdtr]

@thorswdn @purdyrebelkinch are you slow

[pris @pwiscila]

Vodka and water, and a lemon. And a few other things I cannot mention

[jordyn 𑣲⋆ @jordynceIeste]

literally omg 😭

[wiLL @willfulchaos]

virginia right now:

[lito (shadows #1 fan) @AbiChittin]

Wedding so straight I had to step outside and listen to crank like I was stepping out for a cigarette

[Christopher @molochofficial]

We got rid of all the wolves and now we’re surprised by all the deer

[Christopher @molochofficial]

It’s increasingly clear that Ellen DeGeneres was an environmentally significant apex predator in the media ecosystem; she’d have extracted all entertainment value from the Hawk Tuah girl in a 3-minute segment and banished her back to anonymity, maintaining ecological balance

[Chölo Sevigny @xXnarcissistXx]

Realizing I’m like the Manon of the office … I am the face/fan favorite, but I’m always “sick” and on the outs with everyone. And despite it all, I am still “confirmed” for Coachella.

[Jacques @skinfitsheaven]

making beats with no knowledge of music theory

[Daniel Boguslaw @DRBoguslaw]

What a beautiful thing. TMZ is how these people deserve to get covered. Not with the weepy piety of hill reporters who all have politicians in their profile pictures but sicko, unhinged papparazzi who believe in nothing.

[trash jones @jzux]

just overheard a guy at the bus stop go “I just feel weird” and his friend said “about what” and he said “I don’t know man just the prospect of shit”

[J.P. Mercado ✨🤓✨ @jprmercado]

❌ “We broke up…”

→ Negative framing, vibe-killing, non-newsworthy

✅ “New single just dropped!”

→ Celebratory, attention-grabbing, divalicious

[jae stephens @jaephens]

i don't identify with this khia asylum nonsense ive never flopped in my life you bitches are just taking forever to catch up idk

[Alex @alexxmalloy]

can’t say shit about NYC being thrown back to the ice age because california could fall into the middle of the earth any moment

[Jake Milkshake @bagmonsta]

White boys flocking to the bar on Fridays is kind of like the mass cicada emergence. Theres just nothing you can do about it

[LB @lnbshr]

Watched wuthering heights

[Ty @tylerrhawpr]

Ex-eyecontactship showed up in 2 of my nightmares last nights

[emi @emisandrist]

groundhog day will decide the fate of my situationship