Wookiee of Wall St.

I'm just like any other man, only more so.

[Wookiee of Wall St. @OldManNorris]

I don't know any of my new GAs' names yet so I just instinctively referred to one as Pledge to get his attention

[David Hines @hradzka]

why is a fishmonger a merchant but a whoremonger a customer

[Jon 🔬 @JonnyMicro]

Well well how the turns have tabled

[kramerica industries @hepimp]

her : “you better not be watching Tom Jones duetting with EMF on Unbelievable when I get home!”

me :

[Wookiee of Wall St. @OldManNorris]

Why does Adobe have more pop ups than Brazzers? I just want to read a pdf

[Wookiee of Wall St. @OldManNorris]

Breaking a light fixture while I changed a light bulb this morning reminds me of the classic joke.

How many Theta brothers did it take to change a lightbulb?
Four.
Three for the light bulb and one to mix the drinks.

[Martin Skold @MartinSkold2]

It’s funny how people bend themselves into pretzels trying to avoid accepting that the Roman Empire was fiscally -and- morally bankrupt. Here, though, are the data points:

—Even from early on (ca. AD 100) we have letters home to parents from soldiers complaining that the army doesn’t issue them enough clothes (and could mom and dad please send some socks - it’s cold here on the frontier)

—Extraneous items of army gear start getting dropped as early as AD 100 (the standard-issue legionary pugio/dagger is absent from Trajan’s Column); there are signs of armor being simplified all through the following century

—Military service became a de facto hereditary profession during this time - nobody else wanted to sign up (indicating a lack of social “buy-in”), and “auxiliary” cohorts in particular simply recruited soldiers’ illegitimate sons

—Caracalla’s extension of universal Roman citizenship (which also voided the distinction between citizen legions and non-citizen auxiliary cohorts) essentially formalized this and further rendered participatory citizenship meaningless (everyone was now equally worthless)

—It’s contested, but not convincingly: This is also when the barbarianization of the army starts in earnest, with legionaries starting to carry German-style spathae (long swords) instead of short gladii

—The army also starts to skimp on steel and armor throughout the period after the Severans - Vegetius claimed troops often no longer wore armor, and while he’s not reliable per se, it’s tough to see how the claim would pass a laugh test if it weren’t true; this is also when the highly effective long-headed javelin, the pilum, gets traded in for less effective (but cheaper) short-headed darts; army helmets also become crappier during this time (made from weakly joined halves instead of one-piece bowls), and flat oval shields (long deemed inferior) replace the classic cylindrical scutum

—Army tactics and organization become cruder during this time - the old, highly nimble and complex legionary evolutions in formation (mad possible by the cohort system) are replaced by cruder phalanx tactics, initially as an expedient against cataphracted cavalry (the Alans), but apparently becoming SOP everywhere

—Taxes, meanwhile, become confiscatory, with 25+ percent of the empire’s income extorted from its denizens, and particularly from the poor - there’s even an argument that Christianity emerged as an anti-tax movement, even though Paul had to tell the Roman church to pay its taxes so as not to get in trouble (and in fact that itself serves as evidence)

—Christianity, meanwhile, regarded Rome as a dreaded beast and eagerly awaited its fall (this is the whole point of the Book of Revelation), and was rapidly gaining followers; its belief system was completely incompatible with the old ways (which allowed plurality of worship but couldn’t accommodate denial of the existence of other gods) - all data points for a massive legitimacy gap

—The coinage was debased down to nothing over three centuries, and inflation got so out of control Diocletian famously tried to control it by imperial fiat (the Edict on Prices)

—Patronage networks multiplied - the only way to get anything done in politics was to have money -and- know people who did, and the money in question (per the above) was malappropriated tax money

—This might explain the army’s fiscal woes (gross corruption siphoning off funds), but in any case even though most of the (multiplying) imperial offices were military, many of these are thought to have been similar to Georgian or Victorian “colonelcies” - where an official might collect a military paycheck and hold a military office but not have a unit to command

—By extension, it’s at least theorized that some army units may, for this reason, have existed only on paper (rather like the Afghan National Army…or the US NGO apparatus)

(Cont’d…)

[Nrai 🐹 ⭐⭐⭐ @persaik]

Character development

[Wookiee of Wall St. @OldManNorris]

If you didn't want me to drunkenly request the Monster Mash a dozen times from the DJ, then why did you get married Halloween weekend?

[Battle Beagle @HarmlessYardDog]

Pizza backed securities backed with junk cars is what peak finance is all about.

[Pink Floyd battle vest @flieldy]

Zoomer said “cool beans” to me today

[Wookiee of Wall St. @OldManNorris]

Almost every time I call my dad, he tells me about a different Arby's that I need to try. It's getting to the point that I wonder if he's being sponsored by them

[Armand D'Angour @ArmandDAngour]

Italy

[Wookiee of Wall St. @OldManNorris]

In the middle of the night, I woke up from a dream and wrote myself this note because I thought it would be a million dollar idea:

Do they have an app. That instead of yassifying you, turns you into a Jersey Shore character?

[Daily Roman Updates @UpdatingOnRome]

Source?

[trash jones @jzux]

alcohol counts as a performance-enhancing drug if the performance is making mistakes

[Wookiee of Wall St. @OldManNorris]

She described an interaction where some annoying girl was complaining "did you know Obama did xyz?" And she responded "did you know an escaped murderer just got out of jail and is coming to get me" like her dream was written by whoever made the Madam Web trailer

[Wookiee of Wall St. @OldManNorris]

Warning: do not laugh at your wife when she tells you about her bad dream. No matter how much it sounds like the plot of Sister Act

[andy from 5 to 7 @ChampagneAnyone]

i was today years old when i found out saturday is spelt with 8 letters because thats how many beers youre supposed to have in you before noon

[Neil Renic @NC_Renic]

I am once again pitching my romantic comedy:

- two academics start dating
- discover they are each other's terrible reviewer
- hijinks ensue

Working title: Love is Double-Blind

[Wookiee of Wall St. @OldManNorris]

I just looked at a leg of prosciutto on the counter at an Italian deli in a way that was borderline sexual harassment