liv 🥌

winter olympics 2030

[liv 🥌 @olimariew]

i want to fight quentin tarantino

[liv 🥌 @olimariew]

I’m sure being diabetic sucks but why should *MY* dr pepper fall victim all the time?

[liv 🥌 @olimariew]

pro tip: be careful what you name your spouse in your contacts because when you’re bleeding on the side of the road after almost getting hit by a car, telling the nice mom who stopped to help and takes your phone to call someone that your husband is “bone daddy” feels weird

[Bux @BuxbyTheSheep]

Business idea. Great Lakes Carnival cruise. Stops in Milwaukee, Chicago, Cleveland. Baseball excursions. There's a Culver's on board.

[liv 🥌 @olimariew]

honestly fuck @ChipotleTweets for gamifying burritos bc what do you mean I earned three badges with one order yesterday, now I just want to keep playing

[liv 🥌 @olimariew]

working for the school district is great because now I get snow days as an adult

[The Bratt Pack @TheBrattPack63]

My buddy in Milan just texted me

He’s in danger, it’s not safe there, he is scared for his life

He’s a beer, and the American hockey team just walked in

[marzy ✨ @weirdnotwild]

If I text you this before a night out just know I’m about to be a problem

[Nathan Trueblood @NathanTrueblood]

The Louvre doesn't deserve this.

Get this beauty hung in every Buffalo Wild Wings in the nation.

[Céad Míle Fáilte @ColeyMick]

He said the whites know gasolina

[liv 🥌 @olimariew]

oh my god I just bought my first ever plane tickets ✈️ NYC here I come!

[liv 🥌 @olimariew]

my audiobook listening hours are going to suffer now that the Olympics are on…

[liv 🥌 @olimariew]

they say that your kids start to regress when you have another kid, but what does it mean if I’m regressing as my sister has my first niece?

[liv 🥌 @olimariew]

I flashed my husband while he was outside the car scraping the windows but I could only see outside part of the windshield. my husband definitely saw, but my neighbor might have too…

[liv 🥌 @olimariew]

quote of the day: “this isn’t rocket science. we’re not getting to the moon, here, we’re getting to Woodman’s”

[liv 🥌 @olimariew]

me: do you think I could get away with painting my nails at work?

my coworker: you played pac-man for an hour yesterday with the sound on

[liv 🥌 @olimariew]

the way Elton John talks about Freddie Mercury in his autobiography makes me feel like I lost a best friend

[celeste 🥨 @ltvinylsouls]

fuck the “what could kill a victorian child”, if you showed this to me 10 years ago i would’ve died right there and then

[lea chin-sang @bigfatmoosepssy]

this has got to be the worst week of some kid from the midwest’s life between Ozzy Osbourne and Hulk Hogan dying

[I Only Follow Bottoms (Original) 💖🔥 @Ravenger___]

(Im going to regret typing this)

If I wasn’t supposed to grow up wanting a sugar daddy then why do we base an entire holiday about an older man bringing me presents for being a good girl

[liv 🥌 @olimariew]

star wars fans been calling them that for decades my guy

[Kit Grier Mulvenna @kitgrier]

Can’t believe I’ve lived far enough into the future to learn the first slur for robots