obLIVious

[obLIVious @oliviadkessler]

@truecrimegarage Hilarious way for me to find out that you guys are brothers after listening for YEARS

[thucksgiving @TylerHuckabee]

wild that there are like a million terrible bible movies and then this, a straightforward adaptation of exodus, starring val kilmer, ralph fiennes, sandra bullock, michelle pfeiffer, patrick stewart, steve martin, martin short and jeff goldblum, that looks and sounds like THIS.

[obLIVious @oliviadkessler]

i’m not a vegetarian i’m a capricorn

[Jeremy Arnold @jdotarnold]

Crazy to schedule this three days after dying. The man is a catholic to his bones.

[bald ann dowd @ali_sivi]

they are sending joe biden to casa amor

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Report: Nuclear War Sounds Fucking Amazing Right Now

[david c. porter (read NTTN) @toomuchistrue]

yeah sure why not. whatever

[horse dentist @equine__dentist]

plans for tonight

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

Me texting my christian friends: I hope you guys have a great Easter! Jesus is back, baby!

Me texting my ancient Roman buddies: Hey dudes I know this is a tough day for you, let me know if you need some space today. You'll get him next time for sure though, I know it.

[Eli McCann @EliMcCann]

Woah. I wonder if anyone has ever been trapped in the snow there before.

[Madiha @justmadiha]

I have fallen down the Where is Kate Middleton rabbit hole and I need someone to come take me out immediately. It’s wild down here.

[obLIVious @oliviadkessler]

it sucked

[👁️👃👁️ @jestermaxxing]

The term ‘monkeying around’ makes sense to me, monkeys are silly animals. ‘Horsing around’ pisses me off though, it’s very, very disrespectful… Pretty much every horse I’ve met has a job.

[obLIVious @oliviadkessler]

@lobotomybarbiie @granty_kay now is your chance to woo her

[James Hawke @James_Hawke1]

The Moon is not lit by the Sun.

It cannot be. Go outside and look at it. Think where the Sun would have to be. I'm in southern Australia and this is the Moon now. The lighted side is facing south. That's Antarctica.

People need to think more. #WhatIsTheMoon

[obLIVious @oliviadkessler]

@Sean_yesdude well i’m glad it’s distressing

[obLIVious @oliviadkessler]

is it just me or have we been getting more videos of people literally being murdered on the timeline recently

[obLIVious @oliviadkessler]

@lobotomybarbiie just in general?? and all of the above

[Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation @OKWildlifeDept]

Getting her an engagement ring for Christmas?
- predictable
- no element of surprise
- perhaps, too romantic
- not a legal form of ID

Getting her a lifetime fishing license for Christmas?
- instant shock and awe
- will never see it coming
- is an official state document