OneFunnyMummy

Author of What It Means To Be a Mom out now

[OneFunnyMummy @OneFunnyMummy]

Now what?

-my kid, eating an ice cream cone holding a new toy riding a pony on the beach in the summertime sun

[OneFunnyMummy @OneFunnyMummy]

@TinaSugandh Aww thanks Tina! Happy Early Mother’s Day to you! 💗

[tinasugandh @TinaSugandh]

🚨MOTHERS DAY ALERT! If you need a mother's day gift idea RUN and check out this super fun, lighthearted but also comically-profound book "What It Means To Be a Mom" by @onefunnymummy. (In her profile link). It does not dissapoint and it's UNDER price… https://t.co/ZNwO1NrevV

[OneFunnyMummy @OneFunnyMummy]

@SnarkyMommy78 😘❤️

[OneFunnyMummy @OneFunnyMummy]

Every mom needs to know she’s not alone even if all she wants is to be left alone.

[Snarky Mommy @SnarkyMommy78]

Me: *goes to bed extra early to catch up on sleep*

5yo: *wakes up extra early to catch up on mommy time, apparently*

[Stay at Homie @stayathomies]

My 3yo to the cashier at the grocery store: "My mommy does meth good."

Me: "MATH, I do math good."

*heads home to tidy up for my surprise CPS visit.*

[Jacana Mommy @jacanamommy]

Today is the first day of school for my kids. They only go for 2 hrs. I get to drop them off, go home to use the bathroom and then go back to pick them up.

[Anecdotal Birthcontrol @AnecdtlBrthCtrl]

Bedtime is pretty much the only thing I don't procrastinate on.

[yelisa @beingyelisa]

Hear me out. A new toddler clothing line called “I Don’t Need Help” where all of the clothing is already inside out and always backwards.

[𝓶♡ @Love_bug1016]

a girl at starbucks complimented my lip gloss. i didn’t have the heart to tell her it was grease from the rotisserie chicken i just ate in the parking lot.

[OneFunnyMummy @OneFunnyMummy]

@DrDinaKulik Forever and ever 💗

[The Dad Briefs @SladeWentworth]

The last dirty dish won’t reveal itself until you’ve scrubbed the kitchen sink clean.

I don’t make the rules.

[Satirical Mommy @SatiricalMommy]

Me: Age is just a number
My body: Nope

[yelisa @beingyelisa]

Our toddler is currently loving the movie Brave and keeps pronouncing the name of the princess as Mierda instead of Merida, and I hope you all know that mierda is shit in spanish so our next family get together will be interesting

[Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses]

A kid's witching hour is any that ends in A.M. or P.M.

[Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4]

My friends are all planning exotic vacations & I’m over here like, “Let’s eat dinner outside tonight.”

[Scary Mommy @ScaryMommy]

I just paid for a yearly plan for extra cloud storage so I can continue saving hundreds of identical pictures of my sleeping children. But I’m gonna wait for a free shipping coupon before ordering my multivitamins. Priorities.

[Momming Glory @momming_glory]

My husband and I have been happily married for 7 years. Today I discovered that he pours in milk before the cereal. I'm gonna need a minute to recover from this.

[Karen @AntsyButterfly]

7: you're so dramatic.
Me: that's fresh coming from you

[Rhyming Mama @sarabellab123]

One time, when I was a hostess at Chili’s, someone called and asked me what the phone number was. She thanked me, hung up and called back 2 seconds later to make a reservation. It’s been 20 years and I still think about it.