Out of Control Parental

Actor, Comedian, Crazy Cat Lady IG:@outofcontrolparental she/her/hers

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

#Motherhood hasn't changed me; just instead of trying 2 talk my way in2 #clubs w/o #cover I'm trying 2 sneak in2 #parks w/o #residency

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you can find your hat, you will find your phone.

[Mommy Needs a Life @momneedsalife3]

I’m never more annoyed at my kid than when they’re acting exactly like me.

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

@missmulrooney We went to the gold country, drank sasparilla, and learned how to pan for gold. Also very a useful skill.

[sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy]

Friend: "Only 53 shopping days until Christmas!"

Me: "I have plenty of time."

[52 days later]

Me: "Oh f**k."

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

5: Mama! Why is he breathing fire?

Me: because life is hard, and sometimes we all need something to help us get by

5: What?

Me: It’s called a cigarette, and it’s really bad for you.

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

Physical Therapist: What do you feel the pain is? Is it…

Me (interrupting): Well I do get down about it sometimes, but overall I feel okay about it. I have made peace with it and have a good quality of life.

PT: Thank you. Do you feel it is muscle pain or joint pain?

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

I dreamt I was wearing jeans, and I woke up crying from the pain, but it turns out my kid was just sleeping on my back.

[Katie D @KatieDeal99]

Dating in your thirties is exhausting because you have to make small talk AND find the inner strength to stay up past 9

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

I’m trying to get my life together, so I bought a self-help book online, but I accidentally paid with a credit card instead of my free Audible credits. I’ve spent the last 1.5 hours trying to get my $13 back, and I don’t mean to be harsh, but I really can’t recommend this book.

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

Some of you have never had your kid troll you with your own parenting catch phrases, and it shows.

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

Them: Create a new password

Me: ok fine

Them: Sign in with new password

Me: $&@@&&!!

[redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 @RYGdance]

“Whatever you’re doing just stop.”

- Me, positive parenting

[Twinstant Family | Lisa @twinstantfamily]

I made a joke about celebrating my kids just because, but do you know what it’s like when your autistic 3 yo willingly eats with a fork? 😍👏🏻 I can’t even tell you how hard he’s worked to do something that seems so simple to most of us.

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

We had a charity pick-up come. They took our bag of donations and accidentally dropped someone else’s bag in front of our home as they drove off. I guess what goes around really does come back around.

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

Dermatologist: …

Me: Remember last year when you thought I had a mole on my foot but it was really a chocolate chip?

[I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids]

Shoutout to all those Moms choking back burned dry toast and floor blueberries today because the coffee’s weak but the love is strong

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

6yo puts watermelon under her shirt and cradles her belly.

Me: Wow, are you having a baby? Congratulations!

6: No, it’s a watermelon that I’m trying to keep warm. And we don’t comment on people’s bodies.

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

@sixfootcandy With champagne

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

Had a nightmare I was wearing jeans. Turns out it was just my kid sleeping on my lower back.

[Out of Control Parental @oocparental]

@twinstantfamily Unacceptable