Alberto Langley FireEmblem

He/Him
Goat? probably not... unless?

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I needed to move a sofa.

I mentioned this to an American. He said, "You know anybody with a truck?"

I did not know anybody with a truck.

He looked at me with real concern. Not pity. Concern. The way you look at a man who has told you he does not have a name.

"You gotta know somebody with a truck."

I asked how one acquires such a person.

He said, "You just do."

This is the third time I have received that answer in this country. It is the answer to everything here. You just do. There is no process. There is only the eventual fact of having.

He said, "Ask Kevin."

I do not know a Kevin. He said Kevin like I should. He said it the way you say a shared uncle.

I met Kevin four days later. Kevin owns a truck. Kevin does not own a truck for himself. Nobody owns a truck for themselves. Kevin owns a truck for a fifteen mile radius.

Inside I said: THIS MAN HAS TAKEN A VOW. HE DID NOT ANNOUNCE IT. HE SIMPLY PURCHASED A BED AND ACCEPTED THE CONSEQUENCES.

Kevin arrived on Saturday. He brought the truck. He also brought a second man.

I had not asked for a second man.

The second man's name is Tony. Tony came because Kevin came. Tony did not know me. Tony did not ask what we were moving. Tony brought gloves.

They moved the sofa in eleven minutes.

I offered them money. Both of them laughed at the same time, which felt rehearsed and was not.

I asked what I owed them.

Kevin said, "Buy the pizza."

That is the price. That is the entire economy. The truck costs one pizza and the pizza is not negotiable and the pizza is also not expensive and everyone knows what size.

Inside I said: THE FEE IS FIXED ACROSS THE ENTIRE NATION AND WAS SET BY NO ONE.

We ate on the floor because the sofa was against the wall and none of us wanted to be the first to sit on it.

Tony told me his daughter plays soccer. I asked if she is good. He said, "She's aggressive."

I still think about that.

Three weeks later, Kevin texted me.

"You free Sunday? Helping Tony move a fridge."

He did not ask if I wanted to. He informed me of a fridge.

Inside I said: I HAVE BEEN CALLED UP. I DID NOT ENLIST. THE PAPERS WERE FILED ON MY BEHALF.

I went. I moved the fridge. I have no truck. I contributed only arms.

Afterward, a man I had never met asked me if I knew anybody with a truck.

I said, "Yeah, I got a guy."

I have a guy.

I am somebody's guy now, too. Tony has told two people about me.

He describes me as "the guy who's strong for his size."

I have never been prouder of a sentence in my life.

[Dudes Posting Their W’s @DudespostingWs]

Shoot your shot fellas

[ Q-Cap  @qcapital2020]

HALL OF FAME RATIO

[Maku @TropicalMaku]

The only day of the year we can share this.

[Skate Coach 𓅄 @Sk8Couch]

People on here will ask “Is it too late to start over at 28?” and everyone will reply “Yikes. Hate to break it to you gramps but it was over for you 10 years ago.” Meanwhile my 63 year old neighbor is taking the bar exam because he has a list of pharma companies he plans to sue

[Secular Talk ([email protected]) @KyleKulinski]

He’s the prince that was promised and he’s banned from sitting on the iron throne I’m gonna be sick

[Softboy @softboywin]

Holding my friend’s baby knowing that in 15 years I’ll run into them at the grocery store and be like “I held you when you were a baby” and he’ll be like god this uncle is annoying

[Vivian @suchnerve]

🫵🏻😂 Bro has mistaken his romanticizing of his melancholic solitude for fulfillment!! 😂😂😂😂 He yearns for the comfort of love, yet shies from the humiliating ordeal of being known!!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[Khem Birch Society @NBABabySecret]

When everyone thinks you are senile, a good strategy is to invoke your hatred of windmills, as there are no famous literary parallels to this

[100 @yh_me2]

I need to consult the dawg in me about this

[Dudes Posting Their W’s @DudespostingWs]

Dudes are now dog maxxing

[Veggie @bigboybokchoy]

The reason you’re unhappy is that you haven’t found the right thing to buy. There’s something out there you can purchase that will make this all go away

[chuddy @chuddyspam]

Disconnecting your friend who fell asleep on vc feels like tucking them in bed and kissing them goodnight on the forehead

[𝖓𝖆𝖟 ꒰ঌ ໒꒱ @nazzygirlxx]

you’re on thick ice. i love you

[ً @artfuIchaos]

may you attract a peaceful non-avoidant lover with high sex drive.

[julia @juumelo_]

one day you will find a hoe who is actually enchanted by your mild autism

[Jane's Addiction☮️🐾🏳️‍⚧️ @janedoepuppy]

game settings menu trying to guilt trip you into not caring about ai wasnt on my bingo card this year