🌻🌊🌧️

i’m not like other mammals

[realyuriyearners @realyuriyearns]

finding a middle ground between wanting to have sex and not wanting to have sex by having sex i don't want to have.

[Alice Mills @millsalice144]

The earliest humans to walk aimlessly were called Meanderthals

[realyuriyearners @realyuriyearns]

i don't have abandonment issues i'm actually very good at being abandoned.

[Jay Grindz @JayGrindz]

I’m at yo BM crib throwin M&M’s at yo kid head full speed

[Thomas Gorton @AngstromHoot]

Attenborough has no respect for crabs. Always gives them ridiculous music. They are jesters to him

[interpretation @materialcritic]

knowing how it tends to go with male authors and their wives it was probably marge who wrote the odyssey

[Jackson @tree_bro]

*knocks on door* Mrs Smith? I'm from Army. Your son got owned in Iraq. He showed great valor in the face of epic fail. Semper fi or whatecer

[🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🌋🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @hum_dunkin]

People don't like watching movies with me because when the bad guys get one over on the good guys for even a moment I become withdrawn and morose, and stop taking food and water for days

[Mayor Zohran Kwame Mamdani @NYCMayor]

Today marks the 111th anniversary of the Armenian Genocide. As we honor the 1.5 million Armenians murdered by the Ottoman Empire across modern-day Turkey, Syria, and Armenia, we must refuse to let history repeat itself.

In 2020, the military forces of Azerbaijan and Turkey attacked the Armenian population in Nagorno-Karabakh. In 2023, Azerbaijan expelled over 100,000 Armenians from Nagorno-Karabakh, continuing the genocidal campaign that had begun over 100 years prior.

On this day of remembrance, we reaffirm the right of the Armenian people — and all people — to freedom, safety, and self-determination.

[Erik Torenberg @eriktorenberg]

https://t.co/JqEmSiQyKn

[mau @rllydu]

give a man a drunk cig, he smokes for a night
teach a man to bum a drunk cig, he smokes for a lifetime

[skooks @skooookum]

You missed your 2-week window to wear your Cool Little Spring Jacket because you were too lazy to pull a fit off. Third year in a row. How does that feel?

[WarTranslated @wartranslated]

"For the first time in the history of this war, Ukraine has captured an enemy position using only ground robots and drones. The occupiers surrendered. The operation was carried out without infantry participation and with zero losses on our side." - Zelenskyy.

[(• ˕ •マ.ᐟ ★ @Y40IFRQTTING]

People don't remember how insane Turkey's EU accession process was. It fulfilled every tedious requirement and got publicly humiliated, as the EU ultimately operated based on mythologized racial grievances. Early 2000s Turkey was a very unproblematic and mundane Western ally.

[pennipotentum @spinozylvannian]

Chinese international student in my class was telling me about how his evangelical dad in Beijing believes that Trump was chosen by god to win the election, but that this victory is part of a larger divine plan to destroy the united states

[doomer @uncledoomer]

oh so now its a crime to work from home?

[alth0u🧶 @alth0u]

アメリカにおいて、強い意見を持つことは違法である。なぜなら、それは伝統的な「カーク的」概念である「控えめかつ真摯（lowkey genuinely）」――すなわち、抑制された真実を意味する概念――に反するからである。

[HowlingMutant @Howlingmutant0]

In sixth grade I accidentally loudly farted and in a panic tried to pin it on my best friend who was sitting next to me. But no one remotely bought it, so not only was I some slob who couldnt control his farts but a traitor on top of it. Major foreshadowing for the years to come

[۟ @naivelarke]

My gay dads conceived me via anal. Was I ensouled? Thanks

[aspen ✨ @aspenn_colorado]

i dropped my 9 euro stroopwaffel on the ground in the amsterdam airport and a little dutch boy with no parent in sight ran up to me and did the griddy over it and ran away yelling something in his maniacal elvish language while pointing and laughing at me happy friday