Onyekachi Nwagwu

I write and make videos about self-awareness and relational dynamics

[Onyekachi Nwagwu @orimitete]

A major step towards self-actualization is understanding that recognizing a systemic problem in a system you operate in does not make you immune to it.

[Onyekachi Nwagwu @orimitete]

I am never afraid to exit any relationship as soon as it becomes clear that I will become a victim of their unexamined patterns. No hate, no malice.

[Onyekachi Nwagwu @orimitete]

The whole thing is here

https://t.co/tgv0YrwUMS

[Onyekachi Nwagwu @orimitete]

Compromise that leads to resentment is self abandonment. And it is because of trying to make the relationship function, rather than knowing how to function and remain intact inside it.

[ThatPortharcourtBoy aka Nnukwu Nmanwu @ThatPHCBoy]

i think that romantic relationships require so much constant compromise and this is what i hate the most about them. you'll compromise so much that you can no longer recognise yourself, then you'll start resenting the people who you made all that compromise for.

[Onyekachi Nwagwu @orimitete]

@paulg How do you do this?

[Onyekachi Nwagwu @orimitete]

No, not really. Anticipating is outsourcing regulation and a validation strategy. It feels good to receive, but it is not a form of intimacy.

[gm @graveyyyyyy]

“Communicate yada yada” half of communication is implicit and reading between lines and knowing people. Anticipating is also a form of intimacy

[The Instigator @Am_Blujay]

President of Botswana 🇧🇼 Duma Boko stunned the audience after stopping midway through his speech to deliver a brutal but powerful lecture on relationships, loyalty, and trust.

[Vivid Void @vividvoid]

Maybe we can't help but unconsciously hurt the people we love, but if you don't own it and repair it, it's as bad as if you did it on purpose

[Amit Pagedar @findawareness]

@Joyoky1 Demanding that your partner 'act right' to keep you happy is just control and attachment disguised as love. The goal of a relationship is not to make you happy, but to share the peace you have already found within yourself.

[Onyekachi Nwagwu @orimitete]

This remains a top-tier tweet. I think about it very often.

[Vivid Void @vividvoid]

The mark of a man who has integrated the feminine is graciousness; the mark of a woman who has integrated the masculine is accountability

[ༀ Koriuma @Koriumaa]

The reason nature heals people is because nothing in nature is performing an identity.

[Onyekachi Nwagwu @orimitete]

@derinmama A whole private journal? Even IG close friends list is a no.

[Onyekachi Nwagwu @orimitete]

People think self-abandonment is in the big things they did for the other person that weren't appreciated. But it is in the unobserved moment when you step away from how you truly feel to prioritise and centre the other person's feelings.

[Ava @noampomsky]

when it comes to deepest emotions in life, I’ve learned that I can’t ask people to override what they feel in order to be there for me, and in return I will never override what I feel to pacify someone else. both will inevitably poison the relationship

[gbemisoke @Gbemisoke]

My contribution to this conversation is that couples therapy is STRICTLY contraindicated (not allowed) in active, ongoing affairs & domestic abuse (characterological violence).
Couples therapy relies on safety & mutual accountability which can't happen in these specific scenarios

[Onyekachi Nwagwu @orimitete]

It is less about 'you' and more about calming their dysregulated nervous system; you are just an object in the process.

Intense chemistry from the start is usually done by people who are afraid of vulnerability. Intensity masks that. With intensity, they collapse the beginning and the end without having to do the real work of intimacy, because intimacy is slow, earned, and deeply uncomfortable (because it is revealing).

A person with dysregulation can't sit through that. But the thing is, they still want connection, so breezing through becomes a way to get that connection and externally regulate themselves.

If you have time to watch, i made a video that is adjacent to this topic on TikTok.

https://t.co/2e3B70ABhm

[Onyekachi Nwagwu @orimitete]

Watching @YouTube videos on my pc has become unbearable. No other player lags as much. I have done everything but nothing is working.

[Heidi Priebe ⛰️☀️ @HeidiPriebe1]

The unfortunate flip side of this is that internalizing to an extreme (‘good love has not found me because I am not yet good enough’) tends to naturally find its way into relationship with externalizers, who are happy to collude on the idea that all issues that arise are the fault of the more conscientious person not yet being perfect enough.

Good question to check in on is: Would I date someone who behaved just like me in relationships? (If no, can reveal double standards that are too forgiving of the self)

But also: Would my partner stay with me (and would I still respect myself) if I behaved just like them? (If no, can reveal double standards that are too forgiving of the other)

An inquiry I’ve found value in with dating lately is: ‘What parts of me have been closed off to receiving the care of good men, who see both me and themselves as human/fallible and loveable anyway? What does it feel like to open into that kindness & care when it’s extended?’

For some, accepting that there is badness inside the self is a very hard thing to do & to regulate around, which I think is what VV is pointing at here. I’m not negating his point as a whole.

Just worth mentioning that for others, badness is assumed to be one’s default state and in those cases, it’s sometimes harder to embrace the golden shadow (‘I’m okay and people who treat me with kindness are not mistaken’) than vice versa.

[Amit Pagedar @findawareness]

Your nervous system knew before your mind did.

It was sending signals the entire time that something was not right, that the ground was not stable, that you were working harder than the situation should have required. And you overrode those signals, probably repeatedly, because the mind had a more generous explanation ready.

Because the love was real enough in the early stages to make the later stages feel like an aberration rather than a revelation.

The healing is not just psychological. It is somatic. It is the slow process of teaching a body that has been on alert for so long, it forgot what safety felt like, that the threat is no longer present, and it is finally allowed to rest.

[Onyekachi Nwagwu @orimitete]

Mensah Otabil has always been ahead of his time.

[CHIEF @tailorMARIQUE]

Let me leave this here for my fellow Christians….make what you make of this

[Onyekachi Nwagwu @orimitete]

Everyone is replaceable. Everyone. Will you miss them? Sure, but no one is above the program to be replaced.

[Taurus Groove @jiggyjayy2]

Ppl thinking EVERYONE is replaceable is def a social media downside