Melon Scrungus

i cut grass🧐

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

I'm twerking all alone 😢

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

Beat my meat until my meat is no longer

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

"You're either a master of your art, or a masturbator fart."

-Confusious, 2011

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

Warehouse worker: "it says on my log that we have an order for 4 pallets of spicy cephalopod dip? I looked everywhere and it's not in stock here."

Me full of 4 pallets worth of spicy cephalopod dip, along with 900 bags of accompanying tortilla chips for dipping: "I ate the dip."

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

We went to watch morbius at the AMC. Her and I. As the projector reeled and my bucket of cookie dough bites shrunk, I closed my eyes and slept. I never woke up, because morbius was born when those eyelids lifted once again. #MorbinTime

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

My son Shrimbleton (Shrimo for short) got made fun of at school because of his squeaky hat. Bullying is never okay, even if it's deserved.

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

Hot sauce names be like "Putrid Mike's Festering Graveyard Gunk" or "Fartin Jim's Screamin Bile Duct Volcano Sauce"

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

Need me a girl who will jump for joy every time I squeeze out a brick in the got dam toilet

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

When a restaurant says "our take on a classic", it's finna be something ass like tikka masala ravioli

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

im a content creator. I just dropped a huge content in the ikea toilet display

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

I have drank 2 chickens and I can't stand up

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

I'm tired of being a wimp. I'm gonna wake up at 1:30am, drink 12 chickens, and do push-up #roadtoshredded

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

Snorted pepper, held my breath, and stood on my head for 10 minutes. I am now smart.

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

What kind of animals do dogs hunt? Squiral ? Squaral 🐣

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

@fadel0h @alexassoconit Or rocks 🪨

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS IN 2021

-Look at a shrimp and imitate its posture
-Wear plaid cargo shorts and those tshirts with really detailed wolf paintings on them
-Adress everyone as "m'lady" regardless of gender or age
-Eat only pink stuff like bubblegum or erasers (chicks dig pink)

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

Hey guys I'm switching my major to digital art! My schedule is gonna be so heavy 😩

-Principles of Form: Ass and Titties
-Intro to Rule 34
-Furry Workshop
-Whitewashing 101
-Fluid Dynamics: Drawing Cum
-Algebra I

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

@frisbeedick If you dap them up they'll let you go

[Melon Scrungus @ouchbigants]

Who is TED and why does he talk so much?