Owen

Welcome to my Twitter it’s terrible jokes with a minimum of seven typos and punctuation errors

[Owen @owrangle]

He said "Well son! That! That there was Princess Diana!"
Then he bowed his head a little and said "We lost a good one there."
Gotta be honest the whole interaction was a powerful argument for just ignoring the world and staring at your anxiety rectangle.

[Owen @owrangle]

I was happily staring at my phone in the cafe this morning and a fella came up to me and said "Ah you're looking at your phone! You know it's bad for you."
I said "Yeah I know" and put it down.
He said "I have a trivia question, I read this in one of those magazines over there."

[Owen @owrangle]

I said "Okay hit me with it"
He said "Okay who said this: "Nothing gives me more happiness than to try to aid the most vulnerable of this society. Whoever is in distress who calls me, I will come running."
I said I had no idea.

[Owen @owrangle]

Property developer consultant who predicted a Labor loss at 2022 #springst election earnestly concludes that declining Yes vote is because everyone has suddenly realised that they’re mortgage stressed and - in a real turn up for the books - he knew it all along!

[Owen @owrangle]

You’re into history? Oh yeah?

Well I’ll bet you can’t tell me one thing that’s happened.

[Owen @owrangle]

Reasonably lofty standard you’ve set, but okay. How are the left-wing bonafides of the clients listed here? Will we go over them individually?

https://t.co/nOYhJsp3YW

[Owen @owrangle]

My housemate asked me when to use “near” and when to use “close” and I have honestly never thought about this in my life

[Owen @owrangle]

Anyway I think it’s wild that people just go ahead and move to other countries and do this all the time and we often don’t feel the need to remark upon it

[Owen @owrangle]

How do people learn languages ever? I think I’m making progress then I learn that I’ve been super confidently using the complete wrong words for stuff

[Owen @owrangle]

Saints losing a game badly. It’s like a warm blanket. Everything back to normal again. 😌

[Owen @owrangle]

@Nathcore Yeah I think I got the immersion. 6 Chileans going full weón in the living room. I was just tapping out for long periods because you’re trying so hard to communicate and you stuff SO MUCH UP and it is embarrassing

[Owen @owrangle]

How do people learn languages ever? I think I’m making progress then I learn that I’ve been super confidently using the complete wrong words for stuff

[Owen @owrangle]

@Nathcore Well executed chilean joke here

[Owen @owrangle]

I’ve been living with three Chileans for 4 weeks now and let me tell you if you’re looking for a guy who can say “I don’t understand” in Spanish I’m your guy

[Owen @owrangle]

Did you guys hear about the 6’6” 140kg nightclub bouncer with a shaved head, tattoos down each arm, a black belt in 4 martial arts, a steely glare, and a day job in television post-production?

Apparently he was super imposing.

[Owen @owrangle]

So far of anywhere I’ve been I’ve gotta say Auckland has the worst weather. Consistently no good for anything much at all.

[Owen @owrangle]

@dylanwightlabor I’ve done some just plain bone headed things that would have had me T-boned by a VS Commodore out of pure spite in Werribee and I’m still here

[Owen @owrangle]

I’ve been driving around Auckland for a couple of weeks now, and I gotta say my experience of the local drivers has been pretty good? You don’t hear good feedback about drivers very often but it’s been mostly pretty fine?

[Owen @owrangle]

Bathroom exhaust fans? Now there’s an extractive industry I can get around!

[Owen @owrangle]

Looks like the Saints are reaching the back end of the flattery section of this particular flattery-deception cycle

[Owen @owrangle]

Hey I’ve got one. It’s about a man who - seeking redemption for his imprisonment for 19 years for stealing a loaf of bread for his sister’s starving child - opens an initially revolutionary but sadly Ill-fated nation-wide gymnasium franchise.

Working title Les Mills-érables.