Parker

worldwide high score on Candy Crush level 114

[Balogun @balogun]

HAPPY 4TH JULY AMERICA! 🦅🇺🇸

[george @StokeyyG2]

Mauricio Pochettino’s USA

[Auron MacIntyre @AuronMacintyre]

If a Chinese paper wrote a story about how a primary race in Kentucky was the most consequential race for China after pro-China donors poured $35 million in the race

What’s would that mean?

[katie @spongebobfan360]

hard af poster i just found in my closet

[Cal @SinclairMonaco]

Has anyone noticed that it’s less common for someone to tell you when to go to sleep than it was in the 2000s? It used to happen like every night except for weekends and now it rarely if ever occurs

[Daniel Turner @DanielTurnerPTF]

Only quit the governor’s race. Not resign from Congress. Why? Two reasons:

1- stop @SteveHiltonx California cannot fall to the Republicans.

2- they cannot give @SpeakerJohnson a larger majority in the House.

“Believe all women” so long as it doesn’t damage democrats

[kos_data @kos_data]

🇺🇸🇦🇱 Former NYC Mayor Eric Adams is now officially Albanian.

He has been granted citizenship and has received an Albanian passport by a special decree issued by the Albanian president.

[Dave Itzkoff @ditzkoff]

Now imagine you're an apple, a pear, a plum, a strawberry, an orange, a cake, an ice cream, a pickle, cheese, salami, a lollipop, a cherry pie, a sausage, a cupcake, a watermelon, or a green leaf.

Not so happy, is it

[jake rhodes @jakebrodes]

Thinking about burgers

[saila @sailaunderscore]

On my hands and knees begging for normal public communications. The Sanitation Twitter does not need a social media intern that makes jokes from 10 years ago. You can just say you salted the streets. It's fine.

[Under Secretary of State Sarah B. Rogers @UnderSecPD]

I’m traveling in Europe on a diplomatic passport, so I thought I’d take this opportunity to say a few things ordinary Europeans (and Brits) can’t.

[Sesame Street @sesamestreet]

Keep it rolling, friends. 💛🧡

[Tortoiseshell Costas @TortoiseCosta]

New bass just dropped🚨🚨

[Neil Renic @NC_Renic]

Wow, what a stressful week of work. Time to relax by holding a phone beaming endless streams of horrific international news inches from my head

[pj @pjayevans]

Hey dude it’s good to see you. Haven’t seen you since high school. Are you still the quarterback there

[nicholas @wildhorse42]

ni hao delilah what’s it like in Shijiazhuang

[pratham @prath4m]

if my wife stabbed me id thrust myself deeper into the blade just to be a few inches closer to her but thats just me idk

[yoshimi battles video game addiction @nise_yoshimi]

musk: you know diablo?

trump: now that's - that's what they're doing now in Mexico, it's in mexico I believe. That's what they're calling me. "La diablo Americano". they know I won't surrender

musk: so im like number one at diablo-

trump: "Donnie gringo". That's what they say