Patchen Mortimer

Content director and writer. DJ at 90.5 WMUC-FM. Freelance tabletop role-playing game author. Not necessarily in that order. (He/him/his)

[Patchen Mortimer @patchdj]

It's not every day The Onion makes fun of your work. I'm going to call that a win. https://t.co/v8s5z5BLId

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

I know it’s become pretty cliche and cringey to talk about at this point but if you’re under like 25 I cannot stress enough how one time Obama wore a tan suit and people spent a week arguing over whether or not it was demeaning to the Oval Office and they were serious about it.

[Jesus Freakin Congress @TheJFreakinC]

🚨BREAKING: In Columbus, Ohio, ICE agents hit a U.S. citizen’s vehicle, and then admitted, on camera, that they “do this all the time”… before driving away.

A 17-year-old U.S. citizen was reportedly on his way to church, when multiple officials surrounded his car, backed into his front bumper, and jumped out of their vehicles.

When he rolled down his window, they told him…

“We got the wrong person.”

And walked back toward their cars.

The 17-year-old got out to document what happened, and told an officer they had hit his vehicle…

And the response was:

“You can take a picture if you want. We do this all the time. You’re okay.”

And then they drove off.

The Fourth Amendment protects you from unreasonable searches and seizures. And courts have made clear that a “seizure” isn’t just being arrested, or put in handcuffs.

It also includes situations where law enforcement use their authority in a way that blocks your freedom to leave… or creates an intimidating, forced encounter.

So, when officers surround a car, hit it while backing up, and pull a teenager into a sudden law enforcement interaction, with no valid reason…

At minimum, it’s a reckless stop. At worst, it’s an unlawful seizure, with property damage, and no accountability.

And then there’s the part when she casually said…

“We do this all the time.”

Because that turns an “oops” moment into a pattern.

And when that pattern violates your constitutional rights and due process, it starts to feel a lot like the government is using the Constitution like they use the Bible…

Quoted when it’s useful, ignored when it isn’t.

[Patchen Mortimer @patchdj]

@moultano Also she put herself in the meme, ewwwwwwww...

[Ryan Moulton @moultano]

The whole reason for this discourse is that only one of these is illegal to build in most places.

[Marcus d’Osint 🎒🕊️ @WarFrontIntel]

The onion never misses. 😂

[Covie @covie_93]

Hunter Biden is out of f*cks and I'm here for it.

[Adam Klasfeld @KlasfeldReports]

Pelley is the third top “60 Minutes” correspondent to charge that Bari Weiss demanded inserting “falsehoods and bias” into reporting.

And we know that’s true because her public memo on the CECOT story mischaracterized the Trump DOJ’s position.

This, by Weiss, is false.

[Patchen Mortimer @patchdj]

Katie's tweet also points to the saddest thing about Chris Cillizza's article this morning: he was so busy trying to figure out what angle Scott Pelley was playing that he couldn't see that Pelley was simply standing up for his fired coworkers and the coworkers who were left.

[Katie Notopoulos @katienotopoulos]

The Scott Pelley story to me is a lesson in how if you work hard enough in your career to get Fuck You Money, the real reward is the day you need to say it, you can

[Katie Notopoulos @katienotopoulos]

The Scott Pelley story to me is a lesson in how if you work hard enough in your career to get Fuck You Money, the real reward is the day you need to say it, you can

[ape attack survivor @pissvortex]

We can talk about the failures of “Woke 1” and how ridiculous and performative everyone was but I will always keep in mind how eager every public institution, business, and politician was to try to kneel to social upheaval when they thought our boot was on their throat

[David J. Bier @David_J_Bier]

In Trump's America, you can't go to Taco Bell without a passport.

[Chris Murphy 🟧 @ChrisMurphyCT]

The worst jobs economy in a decade. All because of tariffs and the war. All because of Trump.

[Patchen Mortimer @patchdj]

A grocery store, post office, 2 laundromats, a vet, a Starbucks, a pet store, 2 sushi places, a bar, a bike shop, a park w/ nature center...and my neighborhood isn't even that walkable compared with my old one. Y'all don't know what you're missing.

[Amber @missrobinson]

The thing about walkable cities and suburbs is that the supermarket isn't the only thing I can walk to. I can also walk to the doctor, hairdresser, pharmacy, post office, pub, bar, cafe.. it's actually very efficient.

[Amber @missrobinson]

The thing about walkable cities and suburbs is that the supermarket isn't the only thing I can walk to. I can also walk to the doctor, hairdresser, pharmacy, post office, pub, bar, cafe.. it's actually very efficient.

[Patchen Mortimer @patchdj]

@SFLTVBossMan When you grow up somewhere like that—especially with Lawton as your benchmark (lousy town, but also the place that saved the American bison), you start realizing how much of suburban life is just bad initial choices, lazy habits, and Chamber of Commerce-led greed and cowardice.

[Patchen Mortimer @patchdj]

I found the guy who eats his Chick-FIl-A drive-thru order in the Chick-Fil-A parking lot with his truck engine running the whole time.

[Zerve @Captain_C2]

Thats a horribly inefficient waste of time. You probably end up spending close to 5 hours just in grocery stores every week if you do this (nevermind the extra hours spent walking there and back as well), when you add up shopping+waiting in line. I'd rather just do 2-3 weeks worth of shopping at once in <2hours, drive my groceries right to my front door, and then not have to go to a store again for a few weeks

There's a reason no one who gets a license ever uses public transit or walks anywhere ever again if they dont have to - its way worse in every way.

Society should be more accommodating to cars, not less. Bike lanes for example, should be illegal

[Patchen Mortimer @patchdj]

@SFLTVBossMan I was very lucky: I was an 🪖 brat and the day before kindergarten I moved from Lawton, OK, to Columbia, MD, a planned community famous for things like only allowing 4 homebuilders in, and they had to promise to leave as many trees as they could save instead of bulldozing.

[Patchen Mortimer @patchdj]

@ChadMickel Also big props to all the industry commenters (mostly women) who weighed in who reminded me about that one country music programmer who went around peddling his study that you could improve listenership by cutting women's airtime in half—the damage that guy did def contributed.

[Patchen Mortimer @patchdj]

@ChadMickel Thanks so much! If I'd known it was going to be read by over a thousand people instead of just a handful of my friends, I would have checked my hip hop dates more carefully, because WOW did that bit of sloppiness undermine my stance. (Also, don't tease trap fans; they're touchy!)

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

It’s fucking construction paper.

[Zack Bornstein @ZackBornstein]

My favorite Trump brag is when he aces yet another cognitive test that they only give people just before they go into hospice