When ur printer won’t work no matter how hard u try but flawlessly cranks out a crisp ink levels page u should be allowed to murder ur neighbor who plays the loud thumpy music all day
“The losing presidential candidate’s motorcade drives through a crowd of crazed supporters protesting on his behalf, en route to play golf” would be a perfect cold open to the movie about 2020 America
You can tell how depressed someone is by how early they put up their Christmas tree. Desperate for a jolt of serotonin, no matter how fleeting it may be. Mine’s been up since 2013
They should test out an electoral college type system with other stuff. 4 out of 5 dentists agree this toothpaste is good but they all live in the same state so chew on this glass bitch
@theprettybridge Apple: We noticed you’re wearing headphones, how’s about we whip up a text message with random words you say and threaten to send it to one contact at random. Would you like that?