Patrick

indoorsman

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

Babe, we've been dating for 6 months maybe you could put my last name in your phone instead of the name of the bar we met at

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

@joeyearle1340 @LeBatardShow @MichaelRyanRuiz @jtdalyart @gregcote @__ChrisCote @ChrisWittyngham @Stugotz790 This is fake. They were actually listening to ‘The Ballad of 1440’

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

@joeyearle1340 Why did Smurf and her adult sons have so much sexual tension ?

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

@spaghettisteph nice

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

@Skorzo60 Check ur dm

[noah @Noahbout_it]

this is the "fa" we were "anti", by the way

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

The law and order president will simply not stop committing crimes

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

@StugotzPRB You know what, maybe

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

@TaylorHallam

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

When ur printer won’t work no matter how hard u try but flawlessly cranks out a crisp ink levels page u should be allowed to murder ur neighbor who plays the loud thumpy music all day

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

@CoachDanMullen Go gators but my god pineapple in sweet potatoes??? Calling the cops. For your own good, coach

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

“The losing presidential candidate’s motorcade drives through a crowd of crazed supporters protesting on his behalf, en route to play golf” would be a perfect cold open to the movie about 2020 America

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

@Skorzo60 Dare you to hang up one of these at the cabin

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

If you are ever more than 2 of these 3 things at any given time, you’re doing the wrong crimes

[Bill @Bill_Maxwell_]

According to Trump's inner circle, he is depressed, out of money, and afraid of going to jail.

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

You can tell how depressed someone is by how early they put up their Christmas tree. Desperate for a jolt of serotonin, no matter how fleeting it may be. Mine’s been up since 2013

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

They should test out an electoral college type system with other stuff. 4 out of 5 dentists agree this toothpaste is good but they all live in the same state so chew on this glass bitch

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

me setting my alarm after the new iOS update

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

@ManMadeMoon @softreeds Someone do it again with a smaller unit of measure. They’ll all be funny and I’d like to see them

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

@theprettybridge Apple: We noticed you’re wearing headphones, how’s about we whip up a text message with random words you say and threaten to send it to one contact at random. Would you like that?

[Patrick @patrickmarkryan]

this is medicine

[Be A King @BerniceKing]

In the United States of America, people are protesting “vote counting.”