PTA_Patty

More beautiful than Cinderella|Smells like pine needles|Face like sunshine
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[PTA_Patty @patty_pta]

Why take birth control when you can get married and become celibate?

[PTA_Patty @patty_pta]

Someone said I’d never be as young as I am today and I wasn’t prepared for this actual assault on my crows feet

[⊹٭𝚆𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚔٭⊹ @metickleu]

I absolutely refuse to argue with anyone born after 1985.. you all can’t even write in cursive.

[💥Katt💥 @FirecrackerKatt]

Just threw some mousse in my hair.

Dropped a little on my thigh.

Looked like a cute little jizz shot.

Most action I’ve gotten in four months.

Someone please push me into traffic.

[PTA_Patty @patty_pta]

I just said Holy smokes so I guess I’m a youth pastors wife now

[💥Katt💥 @FirecrackerKatt]

if a man addresses you as "Baby" ...

and you are not, in fact, his baby.

tell him that katt from the internet said it was ok for you to kick him in the privates.

[Twinstant Family | Lisa @twinstantfamily]

My husband bought scented toilet paper.

Let’s start referring to him as my first husband.

[Robert Schultz @_RobertSchultz]

“can you explain this gap in your resume?” yeah, that was when i felt joy for the only time in my adult life

[Mama Needs A Coke @MamaNeedsACoke]

You’re ugly!

No you’re ugly!

—My identical twins, fighting

[💥Katt💥 @FirecrackerKatt]

Really want to do a Mormon tweet …

But I can’t figure out how to discuss copious amounts of premarital anal and the new American Jesus heaven planet, without sounding judgey.

[Jennay Gump 🦐 🍫 👟 @jovialjennay]

Your hydro-jug is filled with water and mine is filled with coffee. We are not the same.

[Your Everyday Ellen 🌈 @youreverydayLN]

My oldest asked how adults act and I responded with “weird” and I don’t think there is any other answer to this

[PTA_Patty @patty_pta]

Some of you act like you haven’t spent your last 1.38 on a stale crispito at the local gas station to eat your feelings and it shows

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

Got the results of my history exam.

Past.

[3 Wild Rainbows @wildrainbow2]

I thought of a perfect tweet while I was up dealing with my 5yo in the middle of the night. Of course I've forgotten it and it's prolly for the best, because it was the tweet to beat all others.

[PTA_Patty @patty_pta]

Dear children, when I sang You Are My Sunshine, I didn’t mean it meant for you to wake me up before dawn

[dick snickers @smithsara79]

me: see you later!

crocodile: what the fuck did you just say

[Laura Marie @lmegordon]

My first kid might have made me a mommy, but it's the last one who made me an alcoholic.

[.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin]

i’ve had to pee for 4 hours but i haven’t wanted to get out of bed yet so take that olympics.

[Jennay Gump 🦐 🍫 👟 @jovialjennay]

On my way home from vacation with my kids, I was traveling through Kentucky and stopped at a random town and searched “top places to visit with kids” on my phone. The #1 place listed was a cemetery and I think that's the town's way of saying that kids aren't welcome there.

[Your Everyday Ellen 🌈 @youreverydayLN]

You know what’s beautiful?

The messiness that is motherhood.