Patty Lady

suit up.

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

Heard a Victoria’s Secret ad saying they do all this research on bras so we can trust them. Clearly the marketing team has never actually put on one of those torture devices they call bras.

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

Why are men?

Today I had a client come in that I haven’t seen since December 2019. He went on and on how much weight I’ve lost and how great I look.

I was 9 months pregnant in December 2019.

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

No one ever warned me about the amount of time I would spend searching for a meat thermometer in my life.

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

My husband is so in love with me that today he accidentally ordered my Dunkin order for himself.

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

It’s been a while, but I need this documented. The gen z intern at my office had NEVER seen someone change the toner in a printer before. I’m hurt, intrigued, insecure, fascinated all at once.

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

I just accidentally stumbled across a website with adult swaddles. I think I’ve had enough internet for today. Or this week.

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

In case you wondered what kind of mother I am, I just woke up the baby by singing PYT too loud.

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

Help. My kids are annoying.

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

My social media is all MLM spam and videos of mediocre singing.

#makeitstop #officallysocialmediadistancing

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

One of the qualities my mom likes the most about one of her friends is that her friend always talks about how skinny I am. #blessed #stoptalkingaboutmybody

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

I know it doesn’t work this way, but I’ll gladly take the HRH titles and media scrutiny.

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

Not to throw a pregnant person tantrum but both of the girls due the week after me have had their babies.

COME OUT CHILD!

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

First baby: it’s a girl and her name will be Cecilia and *add crazy details here*
Third baby: “What’s the baby’s name?”-Dad
“Errrr....I don’t know”-Mom
T minus 2 weeks 😂

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

I got a lot of makeup for Christmas for someone who doesn’t wear makeup. I think people are trying to tell me something 🤷‍♀️ But I’m still not going to wear it.

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

Another year, another nut bread sent to my house by a distant family member. #canttell70yearoldsaboutallergies

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

I just thought about Thanksgiving leftover sandwiches and almost cried because I miss them already. #couldibeanymorepregnant

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

Hey I just want to thank the er docs for sending a bill 5 months late. I’ll pay it sometime between now and 5 months from now. Reciprocal respect.

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

How can I smell everything but also be congested at the same time!?

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

Another barn wedding this weekend........FYI I write super small checks if you make me go to a barn for your wedding and drink out of paper straws in jars.

[Patty Lady @pattylady]

Do we have a bulb syringe?-husband
We have a turkey baster.-me