peanut butter cracker

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The entire clientele of Dan Flashes:

[bug 🐜 @b4by_bug0]

You ever met your exact type and went completely insane?

[Will @willheffernan14]

First six hours of this game going to be Lobelia Sackville-Baggins telling you to steal spoons

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JOI video with the mario party announcer yelling “FINISH!”

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@the_whar

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rihanna in disturbia: feels like im going insane
me at 9 years old, who heard “feels like im going to sing”: uh yeah i fuckin bet

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guy at the airport just gave me his bag. said i could keep it! it’s nice to see that there’s still generous people in this world

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ok i’ll bite who is diane and why did someone write a little ditty about jackin her?

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me to the karaoke bar DJ when he tries to cut my song short (I picked Free Bird)

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Thinking about when @asherroth said “I can’t tell you what I learned in school but I can tell you a story or two” and then proceeded to list a bunch of things he learned while in school

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Gene Steratore is a bitch

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me: i’m not that competitive
also me, to any random guy that kills me in fortnite:

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saying you have covid: old, tired, kinda depressing
saying you caught “the kraken”: exciting, mysterious, maybe you have a secret nautical life no one knows about

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Me pregaming my 7am flight in a desperate attempt to avoid being hungover

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@elianakaitlyn been sitting on that one for awhile

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weeping willow? nah call that mourning wood