Paul Cresham

Head of data/analytics, 24+ years working in data, qualified accountant, science over industry fads, dad, pool player, woodworker. Views my own.

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

Hey @GaryLineker and @BBCMOTD (and @alanshearer) can we get Murphy nominated for a new category of “assist of the month” please? Isak owes him that hat trick big time

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

@CEMEX_UK Hi, this was in Team Valley, Gateshead today and was about 5 minutes before I sent the tweet. The driver was sat in the cab eating a sandwich

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

Hey @CEMEX_UK, thanks for the warning, but wouldn’t it be better to not park this advert for pedestrian safety on keep clear lines at a busy pedestrian crossing point?

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

Hey @McDonaldsUK, received an incomplete order last night. Your app wants us to call Uber Eats (though the contract is with McDonald’s Restaurants). They are as much help as chocolate fire guards. Last time I just did a chargeback, shall I do that again for a full refund?

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

Yet another terrible experience with @Dominos_UK … ordered over an hour ago. Delivery time stated as around 30 minutes. Pizza tracker says delivered, like it always does, because it’s not an actual tracker. Joke of a company. First order of the year and confirmed as the last

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

@PapaJohnsUK I got it shortly after, seems your system thought it was ready for collection before it went in the oven. Clearly just guesswork and not an actual order tracker!

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

@PapaJohnsUK are your Newcastle West Denton colleagues fiddling the stats? Said ready to collect, when I arrived it had just gone in the oven…ten mins later still not got it

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

Not only does @cj_dinenage not seem to understand the core judicial concept of “innocent until proven guilty”, she can’t spell “platform” consistently, or use a spell check on official communications🤦‍♂️

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

Hey @McDonaldsUK, what does it take to fill a box intended for 5 chicken selects (as ordered) with mozzarella dippers!? Too late to return now, hospitality staff left hungry

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

Cancelled my Uber One membership because they refused to refund an order that arrived cold. Also done a chargeback. Clever economic choice by that @Uber_Support agent, lost them much more than the cost of the order

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

Hey @wearetidelines, do you know what time you're on stage tomorrow night at Newcastle?

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

@CityFibre I did this the first time you suggested it but have heard nothing at all and not had a case number. The contact form, complete with photos, submitted successfully but did not give me any reference and I’ve not had any contact.

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

Hey @CityFibre & @NewcastleCC, what the HELL is this!? Outright dangerous. How many council officials needed to be bribed to allow this to go ahead? One picture shows the van having to mount the footway to get around. Surely this should be a closure? @CatMcKinnell @dangreenhough

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

This excerpt from the Safety at Street Works and Road Works Code of Practice clearly states (in note 5) that traffic control is required in this scenario.

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

Dangerous roadworks by @CityFibre and their contractors GCU Utilities continue unchallenged by @NewcastleCC. They are repeating this same format, which should require proper traffic control, at every junction in the area. The council should be enforcing this but are ignoring it.

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

I think @ChronicleLive should be taking a look at this, and asking why GCU might wish to cut corners to save time and money, and why @NewcastleCC are conveniently turning a blind eye despite this having been officially reported to them days ago.

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

So @CityFibre decided to make it even more dangerous this morning. I think they need close supervision for the rest of their works

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

@CityFibre @NewcastleCC @CatMcKinnell @dangreenhough I’ll raise a case in the interests of getting this made safe but I think also that @NewcastleCC should investigate. This is a very dangerous state to leave a junction in and I think they need to prove they’re not being paid off so you can cut corners, and investigate and fine

[Paul Cresham @pcresh]

@vertumotorsCEO @WBA Cracking free kick from Twine