Pete Ballmer

Stand up comic and big guy | Hope that you are enjoying my tweets!

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

love the experience of getting a new water bottle

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

Katy Perry really is the Rudy Giuliani of pop music

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

I’ll tell ya from personal experience anora is certainly not the best picture to watch with your fiancés family

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

Twitter used to be so fun during times like these

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

Season 4 of TV Shows: The Season Where You Learn The Backstories of Characters You Don’t Care About

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

Love when you go to the counter of a gas station store with 2 candy bars a bag of chips and a Snapple and the checkout person says “just this for you?” Social intelligence at the highest level. Yes, this itty bitty snack selection is all that this lil guy needs.

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

Bathroom stalls in airports should have cup holders

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

I want to use bidets but I’m too hung up on a fear that the water they use comes from the toilet

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

I have never met a man who is 5’11”

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

Love to drink a hazy ipa and then piss out piss that perfectly resembles a hazy ipa

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

Why do theater people all talk like that

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

@Gibley_McRibley Outlaw country

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

This bag of spinach has been triple washed??? You could have just done it once, correctly

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

@Gibley_McRibley was banned from this platform for his beliefs. @elonmusk I guess this platform isn’t really about freedom of speech like you claim it is #FreeGibley

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

Love that the bathroom in this target has a speaker that is playing the Bruno mars that is playing in the rest of the store. Keep the party going

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

@Gibley_McRibley @OmarKelly ^this

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

Wild how a shower that is just quite not warm enough is colder than a cold shower

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

Sometimes I watch a guy sitting by himself in a restaurant eating a big sandwich and I get so friggin stoked for him

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

@Gibley_McRibley Ok I like this

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

@DudespostingWs Credit @_RobertSchultz

[Pete Ballmer @peteballmer]

@alexfromoakland I think ice spice and @JimMcVeigh would really hit it off tbh