peter crouch

I've been compared with a Girrafe and many other large things I'm the greatest striker who's ever lived and part time porn star #parody

[peter crouch @petercrouched]

Everyone please follow @willdorf69 top LAD worth a follow

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

1 more follower to 10 so everyone retweet this and follow me and I will feel so happy and no one wants to let me down

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

Gervinho: Proof that two heads are better than one

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

What do you get if you cross a Goalkeeper with a Paedophile?....Schmichael Jackson

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

Me and my wife were once arrested for fighting over a Calender in the middle of the street.....We got 6 months each.

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

Joe Hart's girlfriend said it was love at first sight....She immediately knew he was a Keeper. #mcfc

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

It now costs the average Manchester United fan a £100 to see a home game.....£80 of that is for petrol.

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

Isn't it ironic how Newcastle United are called 'The Magpies',.........Yet you never see them with anything shiny. #NFC

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

Very few Manchester United players kiss their shirt badge after scoring... Because it's quite hard to do with the referees head in the way

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

"Two's company, three's a crowd".... As they like to say at The Etihad.

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

I hate glory supporters excuses.."Well my Dad supported them when I was young"....Well your Dad's a cock as well.

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

"So Joleon Lescott. What made you give up playing Warf in Star Trek to having a career in football?" . #mcfc

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

There's a new App for your phone that tells you if your partner is cheating on you..It simply asks.'Is your partner Ryan Giggs or a Geordie'

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

Everyone RT this and try and get me 10 followers by 10 o'clock tonight plz guys this would be much appreciated #cfc #lfc #mufc #rfc #mcfc

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

Sergio Busquets is a holding midfielder. He mostly holds his face, knees and ankles. #barca

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

Sergio Busquets is the best cheat in the world...When it comes trying to win a penalty....Nobody touches him.

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

Ronaldo loves scoring.....His favourite bit is when all the other men hug him.

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

You can't blame Gareth Bale for copying Luis Suarez's diving technique......Monkey see Monkey do.

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

Belgian Footballer Jonathan Legear crashed his Porsche into a petrol station.....Turns out he's shit at taking corners.

[footy jokes @uberfootyjokes]

Liverpool have received an injury boost.....Fabio Borini is out with a broken foot.