Philly Flippen

Comedian. Walks like a pirate and a daisy duke connoisseur.

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

Burt Reynolds mustache is my spirit animal...

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

the news is the worst reality tv show ever....

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

guys will stop being douchebags when you ladies stop fucking douchebags...

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

if you had to you could sleep in me like a tonton....

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

the only thing that smells more like curry than an Indian restaurant is it's bathroom....

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

if i could be any power ranger, I'd be the fat one....

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

I'm not violent!! i haven't hit anybody since the last time i hit somebody....

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

it's legit that my phone can spell illegitimate, because i can't....

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

@alyssapants they do be trippin

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

i think if i was topless more people would listen to me....

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

watching machete made me realize, is not the size of the knife. It's how bad you wanna cut that fool....

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

whiskey tastes like bad decisions....

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

i think edible underwear should be made of various cured meats#fatguythoughts

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

made my own pb and j#adulttypethings

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

public restrooms smell like shame.... with a hint of mint?

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

social networking is the most polite form of slavery

[Heath Harmison @HeathHarmison]

Those of you that didn't believe me! Here is Menards.

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

under no circumstances do you ever touch your mother's dildo...

[Philly Flippen @PhillyFlippen]

throwing gang signs at random old people is fun#represent

[Kyle J Mann @kylejmann]

'you don't get back hair like this from not being of German descent' -me, just now, yep, I just said that.