big bearded bastard

I am a spouter of shit and drinker of kool-aid. My spirit animal is Ron Swanson.
I don't have cancer.

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

Friend's Fb post: In search of a coat hanger

My comment: Are you pregnant or are you locked out of your car?

I've been on Twitter too long

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

Been waiting 5 days for someone to answer an email. Does anyone actually work here?
@siphoxhealth

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

I would reverse my vasectomy for you

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

You find out who your real friends are when Facebook goes down and you can only talk to people who have your phone number

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

Heard Facebook is down?

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

Ladies, we know where your clit is. We just don't care if you cum

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

Your nipples are in the wrong spot

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

I don't care if it's mostly pee

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

You know who you are

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

A woman has ten openings. She can only get pregnant in one of them.
Normalize alternative access!!

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

I bet deaf people accidentally fart loudly more often than the rest of us

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

My girlfriend doesn't believe in birth control so I just push her down the stairs once a week.

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

'You sound like an Amber Heard supporter' has replaced 'Talk to the hand (‘cause the face ain’t listening)'

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

We still doing metoo or nah?

#AmberTurd

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

Westerns are what happens when you stretch a bar fight into an entire movie

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

Now amber alert means she shit in your bed

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

Am I doing this right?

[Kappa Mikey @Mdizzle9000]

I forgot this bitch name but google got me lmao, and no google i definitely didnt mean that

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

If I had a dollar for every time I lied and told a homeless person I didn't have any money I'd still lie and say I didn't have any money

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

There's so many people in here going without sex. You ought to just meet up with the other people in here going without. Easy fix. Dummies.

[big bearded bastard @pickles5483]

Based on your tweets i think most of the women in here can relate