pinky

😈

[Benton Swathford, MBA @BentonSwathford]

The best 5 minutes in a man’s life are when you just finished having sex and she goes to pee and you get to watch ig reels

[Cornelius Webster @DONTEVENGOLOL]

getting an adderall prescription so i can interrupt women faster and talk over them louder

[Dotcom📟🌐 @Y2K_DOTCOM]

Soulja Boy and his Xbox 360 back in 2008

[Corn ✧⍣ @cornski]

this shit just pissed me off everybody retarded

[Kokona Archive @kokonastopguy]

Being the one sentient black person in a room must be Hell on earth.

[Master Cheeks @WiggerMaggot]

Notice how much cooler this stuff looks when you don’t have a bunch of overweight black women with septum rings making up a third of the characters

[Amiri King @AmiriKing]

My toddler loves Monsters Inc. especially Mike Wazowski.

Yesterday I was in Walmart and came across this cool t-shirt.

I immediately bought it, put it on in the car, and rushed home to show my toddler.

I hunted her down as soon as I came through the door.

She was sitting on the couch watching Hogi and eating Goldfish crackers.

I said, ‘Libby check out my cool new shirt!’

I was beaming. I just knew she was gonna think my shirt was the coolest shit ever.

She looked at me, looked at my shirt, scoffed, and yelled, ‘GO AWAY!’

Listen.

I don’t think we talk enough about what huge pieces of shit toddlers are.

That’s literally my TV you are watching.
I paid for those Goldfish crackers.
That’s my fucking couch.

I bought this cool t-shirt ONLY because of you.

And this is your response you f#ggot piece of sh!t??

You are wearing a shirt with a turtle on it that says, ‘Turtley Adorable’ you fuck!ng idiot.

You are broke.
Homeless.
Have poor life skills.
You can’t even fucking speak English.

You are basically a Somali immigrant only brighter in complexion and with much less forehead mass.

I’ll wipe my ass with this shirt.

Fuck this shirt.

Bitch nigga.

Your mom is fat.

[m i k e 🫧 ⓸ @mikeysmisery]

YALL DONT LOVE THIS OPENING LIKE I DO MAN

[Magills @magills_]

AAAAAHHHHHH HORY SHIT A HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBREM OH DIS IS REARRY BAD IT ROOKS RIKA AR RONG MAWCH WOCKET PAYROAD JUSTA EXPRODED OH HORY SHIT IM GONNA BE IN SO MUCH TWUHBER PREASE DONT A TERR XI WHAT HAPPENED AAAAAAHHHHHH

[Nightmare Wotan @NightmareWotan]

Summer nights

[Moderately_Radical @ModeratelyR]

Nice try, still not voting for him.

[Eithan Haim MD @EithanDHaimMD]

One of the most common calls I get from the ER are for dog attacks - 99% pit bulls.

Mostly these are family pits who all the sudden just snap.

I've seen kids with chewed out eyeballs and scalped faces.

One time there was a kid who got bit in the face - one cheek with a perfect childhood dimple, the other cheek nothing but blood and gore.

Very rare to see kids after suffering a prolonged attack since they're dead at the scene. But adults often survive prolonged attacks.

There was one lady - middle aged, relatively large - who agreed to watch a friend's pit bull. She got attacked in her garage. She showed up with both arms and one leg partially amputated, nearly all the skin of her anterior chest and abdomen was ripped from the underlying fascial layers.

This is all to say that every time I go to the park with my kid, I carry a Glock 19 - partially for protection against societal dregs/third-worlders but more so for protection against their dogs.

[Syd Steyerhart @SydSteyerhart]

"Oh, you want to hold her accountable for the brutal killing of her 3 young children? Typical chud. Have you even considered that she was really really sad?"

[JOKO @ItsJoko]

NEVER dice up a jalapeño and then touch your lil beast #ouch

[jake @wormpuller]

Make yourself retarded with weed at work Thursday

[Girth Brooks @crackawdajuice]

My coworkers are constantly creating new smells in the microwave. They are eating straight up seagull meat

[mao_wow @realwow_mao]

when you ordering pizza and the broke homie say “get some wings too”

[Anthony Cumia @AnthonyCumia]

Based on the Shiloh Hendrix verdict, I should be convicted hundreds of times a day as I play Battlefield 6.