emily

i’m a fucking joke.

[Dan Antopolski @danantopolski]

Scooby I could eat, how about you?

[Joe Lycett @joelycett]

Following expert advice I can confirm I will be taking legal action against Daisy Mae for rigging turnip prices. Tom Nook will be a named defendant and I expect substantial damages.

[GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge]

HMRC

[. @unsxriousx]

wHy iS yOuR sNaP sCoRe So HiGh stfu ive had the same @ since 2013

[Los Campesinos! @LosCampesinos]

Spotify’s ‘tip jar’ service is an insult to fans and artists from a corporation that could more fairly remunerate if it wanted to.

It’s passed the buck to you as a fan, and given artists the moral quandary of either accepting tips or facilitating charitable donations. Fuck ‘em.

[Joe Wilkinson @gillinghamjoe]

I just peeled a tangerine and was left with nearly no white bits on it. That's going in the autobiography.

[Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings]

the human invited some frens over. and one of them is sitting on the floor. gently rubbing my ears. they refer to me as the squishy wonder. and if my human doesn’t step it up. i’m going home with them

[Los Campesinos! @LosCampesinos]

Finally somebody had the guts to say it

[birdsrightsactivist @ProBirdRights]

THE GREATEST SCAM IN THE HISTORY OF AMERICAN POLITICS!

[Brian Wecht @bwecht]

My 5yo’s schedule:

7:30 AM: wake up
7:30 AM - 7:32 AM: slight grogginess
7:32 AM - 9:00 PM: go as hard as possible; never stop talking or moving
9:00 PM - ?: sing loudly to self in bed until collapsing from exhaustion

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

People suffer from mental illness in every other country on earth; people play video games in virtually every other country on earth.

The difference is the guns.

[False Knees @FalseKnees]

Aren't we all