dray

recipient of the darwin award

[dray @probablydray]

the knorr bouillon hotline put me on hold for 3.5 hours. i have a boullion emergency

[fredesque @FredTaming]

[reading a book in first person] i dont remember doing any of this

[dray @probablydray]

how many dates before she starts letting you use the indoor bathroom?

[sadie adler @stardewy_]

have you ever had a day so good it feels like you’re a dog they’re putting down tomorrow

[tom 🎸 @uncreativetom]

Everyone hates living in a rental home until it’s time to get rid of a huge saucepan of oil

[dray @probablydray]

nursing this cigarette as if it were a baby in the neonatal intensive care unit

[dray @probablydray]

i hate your ugly face , but will defend with my life your right to wear it

[roro, PhD @fuglibetty]

I prostitute my beautiful brain for 2 likes on the Everything App

[Ross Sayers @Sayers33]

Hi mate I'm a street photographer and I love your look. Can I take some pics of you. Great. Yeah you can look me up on insta I'm "Losers Getting Their Steps In". all one word

[dray @probablydray]

just uploading my cute cat video to twitter. but first i must choose the worst song ever made to accompany it with

[walker @walkercapl]

(Yoda stunned into normal speech for once in his life) I love you

[dray @probablydray]

meteorologists always on the local news station looking proud of their forecastslop

[dray @probablydray]

two professionals you may keep on retainer:
- attorney
- samurai (侍)
consider the value each can bring to your small business.

[dray @probablydray]

workplace christmas party under the fordist model consists of passing a single baileys irish cream down the assembly line

[dray @probablydray]

guy at the dealership recommended leasing a ford escape as i "seemed a man impelled to drop everything and go. one who cant bear to spend another minute in that house. who is constantly belittled and whose sacrifice goes wholly unappreciated." but i bought the Toyota instead

[dray @probablydray]

WASHINGTON (AP) — Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. denies microplastics link, blames “adolescent boys placing the DualShock controller on their testicles” for male infertility crisis.

[Dr. R. J. Vein @VeinRichard]

vaguely mediterranean man teaching you his sexual techniques, frustrated that you're not understanding his instructions: imagine to swim in jelly

[dray @probablydray]

'organ donors' are performative altruists. so you only want to do a good deed when you're dead?

[dray @probablydray]

my wikipedia account "Caucasian_whistleblower" has been banned for adding '...is a white...' to every celebrity page

[dray @probablydray]

welp. anti-intellectualism is here to stay. i tried testing my experiment, Spark plug vs Airplane window, and was quickly subdued by the federal air marshal.

[dray @probablydray]

sabrina carpenter do you like yu-gi-oh cards