dray

recipient of the darwin award

[dray @probablydray]

the knorr bouillon hotline put me on hold for 3.5 hours. i have a boullion emergency

[primordial soup kitchen @fernbirg]

(Texting my 100,000 man heist crew)
Another job well done, $3.75 has been wired to each of your accounts.

[dray @probablydray]

a shame georg lukács died shortly after THX 1138's release. one could argue 'STAR WARS' was his true posthumous magnum opus, not The Ontology of Social Being

[dray @probablydray]

cornered again by an enraged mob of shoppers, nose broken, just for my choice of groceries

[dray @probablydray]

the british wasted 2 years fighting the turks before they thought to send a guy named lawrence of arabia to arabia

[dray @probablydray]

god is a marxist and he created the devil (nathan fielder) to punish small business owners

[dray @probablydray]

@colin1111111111 gta iv was more realistic. it had legionnaires disease

[dray @probablydray]

posting craigslist ads seeking people with abandonment issues then ghosting every reply

[fredesque @FredTaming]

[reading a book in first person] i dont remember doing any of this

[dray @probablydray]

how many dates before she starts letting you use the indoor bathroom?

[sadie adler @stardewy_]

have you ever had a day so good it feels like you’re a dog they’re putting down tomorrow

[tom 🎸 @uncreativetom]

Everyone hates living in a rental home until it’s time to get rid of a huge saucepan of oil

[dray @probablydray]

nursing this cigarette as if it were a baby in the neonatal intensive care unit

[dray @probablydray]

i hate your ugly face , but will defend with my life your right to wear it

[roro, PhD @fuglibetty]

I prostitute my beautiful brain for 2 likes on the Everything App

[Ross Sayers @Sayers33]

Hi mate I'm a street photographer and I love your look. Can I take some pics of you. Great. Yeah you can look me up on insta I'm "Losers Getting Their Steps In". all one word

[dray @probablydray]

just uploading my cute cat video to twitter. but first i must choose the worst song ever made to accompany it with

[walker @walkercapl]

(Yoda stunned into normal speech for once in his life) I love you

[dray @probablydray]

meteorologists always on the local news station looking proud of their forecastslop

[dray @probablydray]

two professionals you may keep on retainer:
- attorney
- samurai (侍)
consider the value each can bring to your small business.

[dray @probablydray]

workplace christmas party under the fordist model consists of passing a single baileys irish cream down the assembly line