the bristol pusher

im not ur hun, hun. NO STANDING ON THE UPPER DECK OR STAIRS PLEASE

ancient traditional 👳🏻‍♀️

[Jeremy Kaplowitz @jeremysmiles]

hi going to kill myself im dad

[Long Dong Ada Wong, PhD @LongDongAdaWong]

slept for 6 hours at work today and not a single person noticed or called

[JINNI❦ @diamondbulletzz]

이거 원리가 뭐냐면은 저 줄이 기사님 목에 연결되어있어서 줄 잡아당기면 기사님 목졸려서 멈추는거임 나 미국 처음갔을때 이거 얼마나 세게 당겨야하는지 모르고 확 당겼다가 기사님 죽을뻔해서 좀 미안했음 살살당겨야됨

[Blake ™ @NeilNevins]

romantic comedy called Am I the A**hole? incoming

[hayden ¨̮ @hydn_ngn]

But above Modelland and the spasms of bleak dust which drift endlessly over it, you perceive, after a moment, the eyes of Tookie De La Crème.

[Mia♡ @luxemiaa]

One of my exes who I’ve remained just friends with, meant to send a snap to 24+ girls separately. But he accidentally sent it to us together in one group chat. He literally added his entire roster into a group chat together. We renamed it ‘pat’s roster’ and I still can’t stop laughing tbh.

He just got dumped 24 times in a row

[Dr Chris Burden 🐺 @WulfrunianChris]

Under 16s messaging each other on Excel post the social media ban.

[eliz @eliza___v]

Got charged for a free trial I forgot to cancel and I apparently chose the annual option

[͏b͏l͏a͏n͏c @dqveed]

these are the people we want in acting industry btw

[🧿 @chisomizm]

this tweet raises a really good point; if kids and teenagers are going to be banned from using social media then there should also be a ban on adults (including their own parents) from posting them online

[sean @digbickbabes]

developed a crush on my hookup bc he put my vape on the charger when i fell asleep

[LPC @landpalestine]

Jewish Comedian amelia dimoldenberg
has joined Free Palestine protest In London

[Ash 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇨🇼 @theashrb]

Well Keir Starmer is selling my medical records to Palantir so arrest him too 🤷🏾‍♂️

[tanya @Tanya_Sabrinaaa]

woman who's husband didn't make her cum before he finished: noooo pleeease babe i've got blue flaps it hurts so bad

[lemon ✨ @nouisyorkk]

saw this bear in his hiking outfit and almost cried

[kujostoevsky @goldntimelover]

Everytime i dream of something god doubles it and gives it to dua lipa

[𝓒𝓸𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻 🏴‍☠️ @c0mmandderr]

Mf dating a prescription drug

[shami @leshaami]

You know what's crazy, is the dad took his daughters in there to avoid creepy men watching them and a creepy man followed him into the women's bathroom.

[frankie steins gay uncle || spoilers @kuntimora]

when I left the psych ward and a girl there asked me for my phone number to keep in touch all I could think of was this image

[Xavier's Online @xaviersonline_]

They’re actually going to do it. They’re actually gonna invent a new category to segregate off any minority who wins something lol