Courtney B

Didn't know me when you knew me.
You don't know the new me. 👽

[Courtney B @puddleofscum]

@TheMAURYShow would have had this Julia Wandelt DNA situation sorted out in 30 minutes or less. Which missing kid is she?

[Courtney B @puddleofscum]

Mike's favorite bit is to use "biohazard mode" when he farts in the Tesla. #teslastinks

[Courtney B @puddleofscum]

@JohnBrefunclay

[Courtney B @puddleofscum]

Colby won't drive us home tonight while we're plastered, so much for friendship...

[Courtney B @puddleofscum]

I went to the store to buy some moldavite but they were out bc someone bought it all. Maybe it's a sign?? 😅 Also curious how that person's life is going rn 😳

[Courtney B @puddleofscum]

@rainven22 Next time sit in the front row!

[Courtney B @puddleofscum]

Making a huge life decision and everyone is telling me to go with my heart. Bitch I don't even have one. 👿

[Courtney B @puddleofscum]

Colby is trying to leave retail to sell auto insurance in a city where most people don't even pay to register their vehicle. #portland

[Courtney B @puddleofscum]

@JohnBrefunclay Lucky you! The company frowns upon basing hiring decisions on your zodiac sign.

[Courtney B @puddleofscum]

Yesterday i was interviewing a candidate for mgmt and one of her answers began with "I'm a Leo, so..." #Portland The position is still available if anyone has a better answer than that.

[ahmed ali akbar @radbrowndads]

I love wearing white shirts, but I also like turmeric and hot sauce and have no spatial reasoning

[the moon’s wife @bookishseawitch]

cats have the right idea: wake up and scream your little face off until the world gives you what you need

[Translate Things @TranslateThings]

BREAKING: Donald Trump's personal library was destroyed in the FBI raid of Mar-a-Lago.

Both books are sadly beyond repair, and he hadn't even finished coloring one in yet.

[charlie @chunkbardey]

well it’s night. as a lonely stoner this is often when i choose to free my mind

[Profit Lemon Meadows @Sylviraraine]

If the police are here to serve then why are their outfits so ugly

[Spencer Meade @spennyislennie]

A friend with a printer is worth 8 regular friends

[Courtney B @puddleofscum]

@JohnBrefunclay Happy Birthday 🎂

[RYAN BENSON 📢👄 (go to hell elon musk) @ryannoyance]

hey sorry i'm late to the meeting. society is crumbling and my body is failing me. anyway let's talk KPIs

[Courtney B @puddleofscum]

@JohnBrefunclay Yes, have you seen how some of these people tweet? Definitely tweaking...

[Courtney B @puddleofscum]

Thank you to the tweakers who needed my vehicle registration and every piece of mail out of my mailbox last week. I really appreciate them taking that chore off of my hands. #portland #tweakers