Shreddy White

mildly professional millennial just trying to stay alive and be decent

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

@Sleep_Token @Adamrosssi @RiotFest Just sitting here before the 2024 Euro tour starts, casually weeping a full year+ later that I missed the opportunity to join this particular gathering.

Ps, next time ST is in Detroit, anyone trying to stop me better catch these hands …

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

This place — X, Twitter — is a cesspool. And I say that with the utmost disrespect. The fuck did I just scroll through? And can I get these ten minutes refunded?

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Night cereal is one of the few things in life that always lives up to the hype.

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

Sometimes another inch really could make a difference.

Yes, this is my official petition for a 13” subway sandwich.

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

If you like: repeating yourself, spending 60% of your time cleaning up messes you didn’t make, being viciously insulted by someone 3’ tall, eating cold food, and answering “why” — I have good news about parenting

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

@happily_d_ Please and thank you every time, I can’t help it.

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

When you panic order a whole dinner you didn’t even want at a food chain because the menu is massive with a tiny ass font and you’re overwhelmed and the cashier is starting at you trying not to cringe and he’s probably a nice kid and you just want the whole experience to end

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

It’s an Alice in Chains kind of day.

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

Playing telephone with 3yo on a baby phone toy.
3yo: “Oh. There’s a problem here. I’ll call you right back.”
Me: instantly gripped with suspense

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

@kittewbabu If they say “remote friendly” on the application, it’s a totally valid question

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

My kiddo has been playing #FIFA22 on Xbox and is pumped to see someone in his family made into a video game character. And it’s this guy 👇

[Shoutout to @LoganMussell encouraging the ⚽️ & Steve Clark for being the coolest third-cousin-once-removed or something like that 😄]

[Houston Dynamo FC @HoustonDynamo]

Steve Clark 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 in goal and 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 for the 𝐇.

#HoldItDown

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

@kittewbabu It’s because it’s O-S-C-A-R, right?

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

@elonmusk You could not pay me to pay for this app.

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

Going through #TheLastOfUs withdrawals 😢

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

@BlondeNerd You’re not gonna like the answer, but …

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

Came to Twitter to complain that the IG algorithm has me zeroed in and 90% of my feed is snowboarding content which is rude when I KNOW they know I gotta work.

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

My son just farted into the air purifier to see if it would change colors (to indicate poor air quality) … and it did.
If anyone deserves that information it’s Twitter.

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

Recipe for little girls 🎀
• sugar
• spice
• everything ni—
• ope, more spice
• little bit more spice
• extra spice

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

@happily_d_ All the cats, kids, and husband alarms always go off at the same time

[Shreddy White @purpleXwidow]

@KaitiCool Wait … we weren’t on red wines yet?