patrick wells

big hot strong man with big arm muscle

[patrick wells @pwells]

perfect

[ICE T @FINALLEVEL]

I’ve got a great idea… Just rename this app to ‘HATE’

[sensory homunculette @myfriendcallie]

Every movie is a horror movie. I don't know those people

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

There should be an NFL player whose gimmick is he screams in agony every time he's tackled and you don't know if he's gonna make it or not. That would be exciting for the audience

[patrick wells @pwells]

ask not what your country can do for you

ask how you can put 37 trillion dollars on your personal credit card

[Jack Corbett @jackcorrbit]

you can venmo the United States to help pay off the national debt

[Neil Renic @NC_Renic]

Too many em dashes? What’s next? too much love? too much joy?

[Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸 @SmalltimeJones]

gonna extract some dna and make myself an oops all lincolns jurassic park

[Conner O'Malley @conner_omalley]

At the end of a movie I read every credit out loud and say "thank you"

[chuck 🏔 @crowcialist]

😂😂😂who up charming th— (remembering I am 34 years old) There are mysteries beneath our feet…

[trevy @chillextremist]

At the dentist and they’re telling me they’re gonna kill me. They said they’re about to completely end my shit

[patrick wells @pwells]

see? i told you guys this would work

[Popular Science @PopSci]

Behold osteo-odonto keratoprosthesis. https://t.co/RuUnyio69I

[Michael Caine @themichaelcaine]

Trump calm down

[patrick wells @pwells]

my baby

[lexaprofessional @queasy_f_bby]

I think about this constantly

[patrick wells @pwells]

corey

[African Hub @AfricanHub_]

What do you call it in your language

[patrick wells @pwells]

pretending to be asleep in the back of a late night uber so my driver has to carry me inside and tuck me in

[patrick wells @pwells]

the 4 genders

[patrick wells @pwells]

i wanna get in there so bad but it’s locked 😔

[patrick wells @pwells]

biologist here! that crocodile is actually drowning

if you jump in and save its life, it will owe you a “crocodile life debt” and will come to your aid whenever you need

[Daily Loud @DailyLoud]

Crocodiles in Indonesia have learned to “pretend to drown” in order to lure humans in to the water to eat them 🤯🐊

[patrick wells @pwells]

@charlieandrews peace to you friend

[patrick wells @pwells]

for my fantasy football punishment i have to devote myself to weaving joy into the fabric of the world and scatter kindness like petals to the wind

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

(Realizing i zoned out for 15 years and have a family now without noticing) (Realizing I never committed my beautiful child's name to memory) You - (forgetting if we have hogs or not but going with my gut feeling) Feed them hogs