dark magician

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@Z0NBI__d0g yes i agree 👍 it's not healthy behaviour and i would hope that most of us grow out of it during our 20s. it takes a while for infjs to accept people for who they are and to be less idealistic. maybe some people get stuck there though

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@Z0NBI__d0g if an unhealthy infj gets defensive about their mistakes, it's fair to call that a double standard, but they usually still feel deeply ashamed inside (and the defensiveness helps protect themselves from that)

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@Z0NBI__d0g i agree that infjs can be very critical, what i mean is that it's not so much double standards (in my opinion), but rather that they are very critical of themselves and project that onto other people

it's easier to judge than to change though so it can seem like double standards

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@TuitAstrologico @TVachaW yes this i think 'healthy shame' is closer to disappointment or guilt and full on experiences of shame are generally not very productive

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@dererererek4 @xBradSneedx thanks, when u say ruminating do u mean in a limerent way?

im not in a relationship but i find myself catching feelings really easily even tho i would get cold feet if something actually progressed

idk the exact shape of it but i think its just chronic shame at core

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@xBradSneedx @dererererek4 How did u fix it

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@BreatheLesss 'i'm too smart' sounds like ego but maybe it's just cover for the 'i'm too unfixable' narrative

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@BreatheLesss ok interesting i'm surprised to learn that, anyway i do agree with your general point regardless, the mechanisms for change are largely the same for people

i guess 'being smart sucks' is just another layer of self-protective rheotoric

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@Appletreesxynt @the_mel_jar @RachelZader my takeaway - when learning anything it's important that your coach has an informed and consistent framework/perspective. overthinking by yourself sucks because you are neither expert or consistent enough to discern between meaning vs noise

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@Appletreesxynt @the_mel_jar @RachelZader they haven't replied yet but i actually just had my 3rd session and it was very helpful, i've had a rough week and we were really able to identify some of the main issues i have with people. i've had similar conversations with llms but they don't hit the same

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@uberstuber i guess to be fair it does often become a dick swinging contest outside of twitter too

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@uberstuber i feel like this says more about twitter than meditators lol

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@the_mel_jar @RachelZader i went in knowing i needed help and maybe some specific modalities (especially more bottom up stuff) but in my 2 sessions so far i am mostly just yapping to myself and i don't really know what the process is meant to be

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@the_mel_jar @RachelZader sorry im dumb. so exactly how does this kind of analysis differ from normal rumination and self-analysis? and how does it stop intellectualization? i'm an insane overthinker and recently started therapy but i have no idea what the point is

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@BeevesMe @flomiliisgod i agree and i think conditioning is also a more useful framing than saying they are exploiting someone, it's one thing to try to improve but fall short and another to actively be bad. i know a few men who are very put together at home but no one would call their gfs exploitative

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@meadandjuniper are you talking about actual physical pain in the chest etc? i get the same thing but i don't think most people experience that, they are usually talking about actual surface emotions like sadness or anger rather than the more repressed/stuck form you describe

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@myhandle what's harmful about this? this type of guy seems reasonably common in normal boring white collar jobs

the wife seems like a part of the same script not something they need to shoehorn in

[dark magician @qlwkjrt]

@rayzhudev only true if you're the type to check texts and deliberately leave them unread etc, some people just hardly check texts and don't feel any particular way about it