thequestionablemom

I lost my patience when I lost my bladder control, a mom memoir

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

I hate that it’s not normal to be like “I LOVE STAYING HOME WITH MY KIDS” somewhere along the lines it was only okay to be proud and receive praise if you brought money into the home and we need to take back some power

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

Me: I can only do one thing at a time

4: Than why do you have two hands?

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

Constantly being the last one to do literally anything is not something I wanted to have to get used to

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

Panera literally offers you a side of bread to go with your sandwich that’s made on a loaf of bread and I really love that kind of encouragement

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

Husband: I just had deja vu

4: who is DJ vu?

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

When you really just need to cry but you’re on an SSRI so you need to make yourself more sad in order to bust down the wall of tears but once it’s open you can’t shut it for like 3 days

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

I just want the same confidence as the shell station that claims to have the best burgers in town

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

@new_england_dad Definitely a childhood staple for me

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

I just went to Panera and ordered a “bakey turkey bravo” so the days all up from here

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

Sure screen time is great but in my day we had to dress up as solicitors and prank our neighbors for fun

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

It seems like everybody else is on a vacation because everybody is on a vacation but me

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

Sure I meditate
I say wiping Oreo crumbs off my face after a solid 10 minutes of disassociating from my family in my bathroom

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

Absolutely no one can prepare you for the first time you get to cuddle up with your kid and watch a movie from start to finish in bed

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

But what happens if I don’t do it twice?

- My 4yo telling me he’s definitely not going to do the thing I asked him to do

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

It’s a real shame that I was blessed with impeccable taste and no trust fund

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

I like to blame my toddler for my phone storage being full but it’s me I’m the problem the problem is me

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

Netflix stopped giving me suggested shows which is honestly fine with me

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

I thought Ted Lasso was a chain restaurant

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

People keep suggesting new shows for me as if my children don’t leave me with nothing but the capacity to watch the inside of my own eyelids by the end of the day

[thequestionablemom @questionablem0m]

Friendly reminders are in fact the least friendly way to remind someone of something