rachel

all you touch and all you see
is all your life will ever be

[rachel @rachel_bern]

went to the doctor the other day and she said “so i did see that you rescheduled this appointment 8 times” ….

[rachel @rachel_bern]

@kitschmusik do u have any ability to conceptualize that people have realities that are different from your own? plenty of people are only attracted to one gender and it has nothing to do with the “right circumstances.” do u think that most lesbians are repressing their attraction to men????

[rachel @rachel_bern]

Resting Butch Face

[rachel @rachel_bern]

yelling “i don’t believe in god” to the jehovah’s witness shoving a pamphlet in my face only for her to clap back with “and that’s why i want to give this to you”

[rachel @rachel_bern]

@juliad113 no potato inside though

[rachel @rachel_bern]

it’s always “can you complete my venmo request” and never “the cost of our friendship is priceless and your value in this world is immeasurable”

[rachel @rachel_bern]

paying for your haircut is so humiliating

[rachel @rachel_bern]

put me on aux and you’ll find that my taste in music is just women screaming

[rachel @rachel_bern]

naming my next cat AstraZeneca

[rachel @rachel_bern]

every time i shop at thunderbird it feels like an illicit business deal is going down between me and the cashier

[rachel @rachel_bern]

why do old people always have the greasiest camera lenses on their iphones

[rachel @rachel_bern]

i could easily write a 10 page research paper about the inconsistencies that exist within the pilot episode of gossip girl

[rachel @rachel_bern]

romance authors write something wlw that isnt about 2 fem bisexuals challenge

[rachel @rachel_bern]

i want to know pond lehocky’s billboard budget

[rachel @rachel_bern]

if i ever piss you off that wasn’t me that was my inner saboteur

[rachel @rachel_bern]

my therapist sent me this in our session and said she saw it on instagram and immediately thought of me🤡

[rachel @rachel_bern]

whenever i have a flop social interaction i have to tell myself it was in a hbo girls broad city main character funny girl way and not in a crippling anxiety what the hell is wrong with that girl way

[rachel @rachel_bern]

if i don’t have an 8 dollar lemonade in a quart deli container soon i will wither and die.

[rachel @rachel_bern]

@bbqbabygirl12 it was truly poetry

[rachel @rachel_bern]

“smart life hotdogs taste like autozone”

[rachel @rachel_bern]

you’re telling me a chicken appled this sausage?