BR Customer Service

Happy to help all the lovely rail passengers out there. (PARODY)

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

You could buy a Vomit Free ticket but that would be at an extra cost of course. https://t.co/XEaEs2LKWg

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

That's a great shame because we really love little turds like you. https://t.co/UnyweNmuNI

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

What do you expect? Would you perhaps like railway staff to come round in the morning to charge your phone and help you put your socks on? https://t.co/O8evHHnYx9

[Callum @cal_thornhill]

"I have a mobile ticket but my phone is on 5% - what can I do?"

"Charge your phone."

@NRE_Northern helpful as per! Excellent service 🙃

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

£10 is the price for sardines. If you wanted a human class ticket that would have been £20. Please state clearly when purchasing in future. https://t.co/gGfRLMXSRO

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

Well you are a Millwall fan, you don't normally need to ask. https://t.co/SYm4yDydBO

[sjrmfc @sjrmfc]

@Se_Railway is it OK to piss in the gangway when your toilets are out of order & our train is delayed massively?

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

Please refrain from travelling by rail in future as pleasant, polite, cheerful people are not allowed on any rail services. Thank you. https://t.co/Ja7g6Xwt1d

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

So in other words, he travelled hoping that nobody would check tickets as he had no money to buy one. Unlucky. https://t.co/SxLa6TOdJ3

[Lynne Deery @OrigIndieChick]

@northernassist rather abrupt conductor issuing a guy with unpaid fare notice cos card declined with ticket checkers at his end station

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

Same people who tell you how to brush your teeth and put your socks on in a morning. You're not climbing Everest, show some initiative. https://t.co/eOsTukwua9

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

You're welcome. You can now spend the evening thinking of countries we could bomb and fiddling your MP's expenses. https://t.co/PJaHFWRozA

[Maria Caulfield CBE @mariacaulfield]

On train back home thanks to @TLRailUK @SouthernRailUK terminating train to London. Good to have evening off for a change

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

Sorry Paul. We save most of our carriages for supporters of big clubs. Suggest you go and watch one of those. https://t.co/EhAh8ZqYhp

[paul moore @moorepaul1979]

@northernassist what a absolute joke only having a 2 carriage train on a match from middlesbrough to newcastle. Half of the people stuck!!

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

Sorry Noah. We didn't realise people in Sheffield flushed the toilet or washed their hands but glad you enjoyed the quality service anyway. https://t.co/zlCHZESCYN

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

We'll let you ride your own rocket ship thanks, you're obviously in a hurry home from your work as a brain surgeon. https://t.co/W8VruwpfWQ

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

Like a fucking mong or actually being one? Thanks for informing us of your misfortune, it's made our night. https://t.co/jheoWYM7te

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

@paddocknetworks Good sport! Cheers for having a laugh and good luck with your future rail travel. 😃

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

Because the conductors thought your partner looked like an arsey twat and couldn't be bothered with the hassle. Thanks for asking. https://t.co/VOEH3s7bDO

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

Computer trouble is railway speak for "It's Friday night, we're in the Red Lion, fend for yourselves". https://t.co/mOgUeeI9Df

[NORTHERN 🚆 @northernassist]

The Twitter desk is having some computer troubles, we'll be back soon! In the meantime please call 0800 200 6060 if you have an urgent query

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

Well if you could scramble under the seat & read the meter that would be helpful thanks, otherwise it will be an expensive railway estimate. https://t.co/UKQ09FB0nW

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

Sorry James. We thought that having staff performing dangerous tricks with fire would brighten your dull journey. https://t.co/lQB7KU9K5F

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

Hi Laurie. Please could you let us know exactly how long the train heating has been on so we can calculate your bill? Thanks. https://t.co/Barv93SxtI

[BR Customer Service @railcustserv]

Sorry Arin, we've actually undercharged you. It's £80 for a vestibule ticket. We're sending you a bill for the outstanding fare. https://t.co/BKvUIoCnmd