RatedHComedy

Stand Up Comedian. I still eat cereal and have the ability to say poop in an eloquent manner to other adults.

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@Talkin215 GO BIRDS!!!

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

Amazon announced a new bedside monitor that tracks your sleeping patterns. The working nickname for this device is “The Alone Again?”

#amazon #sleep #loneliness

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@roywoodjr That burger would inspire me to commit a capital offense so that I could order it as my last meal. “Why did you kill all those people?” “The motherfucker had cheese on it!”

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@HeyDannyFranc 😂😂😂

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@dominiczappia 🤣🤣🤣

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

It appears that scientists, for the first time, have cured a woman of HIV. When asked why the treatment took over four years to work, their response was, “because we didn't use magic”.

#HIV #AIDS #magicjohnson #allclear

[Dominic Zappia (@thatdominic on Threads) @dominiczappia]

We're all just meat bags with brains.

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@GarrettJokes The classic struggle between Boators vs Boatees.

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@ericarhodes Yes. And?

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@GarrettJokes What makes it even more awkward is that the book starts out with, “We’re gathered here today brothers and sisters…”

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@kalisuckz 😂😂😂

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@dominiczappia There’s a stripper-dad who got infused with hope for their daughter seeing that it should be a smooth transition into becoming a teacher.

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

A new study shows that blood from physically fit people can help protect the brains of the unfit. Much better than the original term coach potatoes, these people will now be called vampires.

#AnneRice #vampires #coachpotato

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@thatdudeisCesar @pattonoswalt I can picture it now:

Costco return lady: “Can I help you?”

Slightly perturbed customer: “I bought this for my dad. It didn’t work”

(Costco return lady leans to the side and looks behind the customer at a slightly melted older gentleman).

Costco return lady: “Store credit?”

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

In world news, an adventure company is making a fortune by taking travelers to remote destinations and getting them lost. Apparently, this company’s business model is to acquire driving directions from dads.

#dadjokes #travel #Lost

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@Eden_Eats 😂😂😂 @ “something useless”

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@zachreinert0 😂😂😂

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@ccuse3 It’s a pretty damn sweet deal. Women should get better representation on the next collective bargaining agreement. Depending on negotiations…guys may have to normalize spontaneous cuddling and foot rubs. In the meantime enjoy the deep-tounging.

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@kileynoodles TMI

[RatedHComedy @ratedhcomedy]

@Ron_Flem 😂😂😂