spend your 20s exploring. the thing with obsessions is that you can't make them up. you can't mentally understand what you like. you need to physically try things: meet different ppl, get into different situations (even tough ones, especially tough ones), put on different roles and masks (literally sometimes). get to know yourself. it's a shame to be so afraid of life to (by 25-30) wonder about your fav pose in sex or if you want a family, about your preferred ways of self expression and things that charge you more than others. each day is a chance to discover your new sides (both light and dark). i warned you. now it's your turn.
a grown-up man (at 14yo) wants to detach from his mom to become independent, free (in a way), and self-sufficient. but that only lasts for ~10 years, until he has kids and needs his mom to have his back again.
most of the "right" things are counterintuitive. that's why we suck as human beings. it's easier to lie, scroll, avoid saying we're sorry, read faster without processing, and text instead of calling. if you want to win, you need to be anti-gravitational. and yes, it's hard.