I went to the first showing of Woody Allen's Manhattan when it opened in 1979. A theater in Westwood Village. Packed house. Every seat filled for a 10 am show. Film starts, Rhapsody in Blue plays, but the film is out of register. After about ten seconds, I shout, "It's out of register."
The guy in front of me turns around. "Hey, man," he says. "It's Gordon Willis," meaning the cinematographer.
"You're an idiot," I said, and started shouting louder for the projectionist, "Out of register."
Guy in front turns around again. "Ssh, man, it's Gordon Willis," he says, because I am literally the only person in the whole theater shouting.
A minute later the film stops, lights come on, and the manager runs down in front of the screen to apologize, explaining that the film had just arrived minutes before the showing and they hadn't had a chance to calibrate the throw.
When the film starts again, there were those beautiful black and white tableaux in perfect register. I tapped the guy in front of my on the shoulder. "*That's* Gordon Willis."
This monstrosity in Chicago is more out of register than any building of the last 50 years. And you i/o are the guy in front of me in that theater.
The World Cup has turned America into a discovery channel for the rest of the world.
And they are not handling it well.
In the best possible way.
Here is what they are discovering:
Free public restrooms. Europeans pay every time.
Free water at every restaurant. Just appears.
Free refills. Coffee. Sodas. Iced tea. Unlimited.
Free chips and salsa before you even order.
Free warm bread with dinner.
Ice in drinks like civilized people.
Air conditioning everywhere. Not a moral debate. A fact.
Parking lots attached to the actual place you are going.
Drive throughs where the food comes to the car while you sit in it.
Ranch dressing by the gallon.
Tex-Mex that cannot be explained only experienced.
Dental care that actually works.
Buccee’s. There are no words for Buccee’s.
Then they found the grocery stores.
Five of them within one mile.
Each one the size of an aircraft hangar.
Burgers. Steaks. Brisket. Ribs. Pulled pork. Lamb. Veal. Every cut of every animal ever domesticated by human civilization available in one refrigerated aisle at ten in the morning on a Tuesday.
The Germans stood in the meat section for forty five minutes.
In silence.
Processing.
They finally understand why we do not have trains.
We have roads wide enough for the cars we actually drive.
Parking lots the size of small European countries.
Airports in every city worth visiting.
Why would we need trains.
The Germans are taking ranch home by the bottle.
The Dutch found queso and briefly lost the ability to speak.
The Japanese are photographing HEB like it is the Louvre.
The Czechs are weeping in West, Texas.
Welcome to America.
Everything is free, enormous, air conditioned, comes with chips, and has five grocery stores within a mile that will sell you any cut of any animal you have ever imagined.
Write that down. 🦋
Steve Sarkisian signed off his @UpAndAdamsShow appearance with a zinger: "(With) the way these injunctions are going, Pat Mahomes might be playing quarterback for Texas Tech again before Joey's done." #HookEm
USA Today crazy left wing sportswriter Christine Brennan says she’s surprised the South is welcoming a German tourist here for the World Cup. Has Brennan ever actually been to the South before? It’s the kindest place in the country, maybe the world.
Texas Tech bragging about shooting 66 from the white tees of CFB while Texas teed it up from the tips.
Tech played against a total for 15 2025 NFL draft picks the entire season.
Texas played against 54
I love this sport.
@TheTunnel_Texas@Aaron_Torres He should be, but he’s clearly not. He’ll take your “inquires” at his email address. How embarrassing for a purported journalist to not even spell “inquiries” correctly.
Don’t let these McGuire-Sark-Scheduling headlines distract you from the fact that Texas Tech is advocating for the now-face of its program to be absolved after allegedly defaming the integrity of the sport by gambling on games he suited up for.