Tim Vine

Comedian. Plastic Elvis.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

An opportunity of a lifetime.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@mermhart Broadly speaking we waste time. Hope you’re well. X

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

I just saw a clip of When Harry met Sally. They both look about 18!

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@directorgrant Shall we make another film? For Blockbuster obvs.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

Remember in the old days when the numbers on a bank card were raised up like braille so they couldn’t get rubbed off? That was clever wasn’t it.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@funmartman They certainly are. And the reason is they’re probably cheaper to make.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@almurray Of course it was first displayed in Devon. They said where do you want it? He said “put it by ‘ere”(SAID IN STRONG DEVONSHIRE ACCENT). I did that joke on Whittle.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@Paulicus88 That’s nice 🙂

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

An opportunity of a lifetime.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

GET ON BOARD EVERYONE! It’s cheap at half the price! (Actually it’s still quite expensive at half the price.)

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

COMMENTATOR ONE: “He’s an irritant to the opposition and an asset to his team.”
COMMENTATOR TWO: “That’s one way to describe him”.

Actually that was two ways.

[🎵 Box 🌎 @Box_Musikal]

Remembering Olivia Newton-John💫
on the anniversary of her birth 🌱
Sept 26, 1948 Cambridge 🇬🇧

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

If you fine someone who owns a well of money that never ever goes dry, that’s not a punishment.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@rubyturnersoul @edinburghfringe Yeh it’s great isn’t it. We must never lose our inner child. Yeh I had a great time in Edinburgh thanks. They laughed that’s the main thing. 😀Hope all is good with you.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

Wonderful stuff.

[Kristina Holzweiss, kristinaholzweiss.com @lieberrian]

One of my favorite @sesamestreet moments of all time...

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@SPC_304 No problem at all mate. 🙂

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

What type of spider is this please?

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@KenGoodwinITV It’s just that I have been throwing the odd oat on his web and the following day it’s not there anymore.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

If I throw one single porridge oat on to the web of the European Garden Spider will he eventually eat it?

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@SPC_304 I’m not scared of him. Never said I was. His name is Wisdom and he’s a friend of mine. P.s. I have absolutely no intention of ever growing up.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@Neil_Birkin @joshpearson180 Neil all I can say is …..wow, and I’m so jealous of anyone who has that in their locker. After 45 years of playing this game I’m wondering if I’ve got the wrong grip!

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@lynnpaterson17 He’s outside.