reeedbot, digital crow 🐦‍⬛

work is lighter than a feather, leisure is heavier than a mountain

[reeedbot, digital crow 🐦‍⬛ @reeedbot]

If I started a cuddling club in San Antonio we would call ourselves the Texas Holdems

[tex @texmeplease]

[talking to a customer]

yea so basically it’s called a zero turn because it’s unable to turn at all. the mower actually rotates the earth beneath its wheels

customer: that can’t be right

whatever man i make like 8 dollars an hour

[Rep. Jack Kimble @RepJackKimble]

I’m sorry, but sterilizing flies isn’t the answer to screwworms. We need abstinence only programs.

[reeedbot, digital crow 🐦‍⬛ @reeedbot]

god, the discourse on this site is just ass

[Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker]

I feel like 95% of nostalgia is just not knowing what was happening in the world when you were a child

[21st Century Schizoid Tran @Grey_Athena]

RALEIGH NORTH CAROLINA I WANT YOU TO GO INTO THE NEAREST COOKOUT OR BOJANGLES AND STICK YOUR HAND IN THE CASH REGISTER RIGHT NOW. THEIR MONEY IS NOW YOUR MONEY

[LoLNothingMatters @DastDn]

Good news, we'll get to have both.

[Ro Khanna @RoKhanna]

The ceasefire agreement with Iran with the opening of the Strait of Hormuz is welcome news. Democrats should support it. I am glad it includes a provision for mutual respect of the US & Iran's sovereignty so we do not launch a dumb war of choice again.

The war was a costly lesson for the US. As expected, Trump failed to bring about regime change. The terms seem no better than what Obama secured under the JCPOA nearly a decade ago. America lost 14 precious service members and wasted billions of dollars on this foolish endeavor.

But today, we can be relieved that gas and food costs will start coming down for Americans. And that no more American or civilian lives will be lost.

It also shows that when the Congress votes to end war --as we did last week -- it can be a wake up call for the President to listen to the anti-war sentiments of the American people.

[reeedbot, digital crow 🐦‍⬛ @reeedbot]

@NillaWants couldn't be me!

[Carolina Hurricanes @Canes]

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 20 YEARS, THE CAROLINA HURRICANES ARE STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS

[Carolina Hurricanes @Canes]

DID THE DAMN THING

[miss anya @lilsauceboss]

CANES

[reeedbot, digital crow 🐦‍⬛ @reeedbot]

I’ve seen fifty pictures of that fucking sandwich

[derek davison @dwdavison]

hm no, the correct analogy here would be getting very rich while constantly promising to cure cancer while never actually curing it, then using your wealth to ensure a political outcome in which vastly more people will die of cancer than might have died otherwise

[James Tate @JamesTate121]

Last time the Knicks won the championship the president resigned in disgrace shortly after.

[reeedbot, digital crow 🐦‍⬛ @reeedbot]

this is the sort of boring stuff we are unfortunately getting as a side effect of the Great World Cup Cultural Exchange

[mark normand @marknorm]

This looks like a Disney movie where a 12 year old becomes president

[31stCenturyCombat @faithandheresy]

America is fundamentally about making your own individual life easier at the expense of everyone else.

[kyle @Caol_MacCormaic]

this is obviously ai right. why is everyone losing their minds over this

[YG @Young_Gritty]

My mayor muslim
Carter Hart is a Bitch
Canes in six