My one boring tip to anyone in their 20s is to resist the temptation to rot in your room every time you get a free moment. Dismiss any neuroses you have about going outside and "being perceived". Be a dictator about it, plan your hangouts like they are binding commitments. No excuses! Go to the bar with your friends. Be kinda hungover at work. Socializing is like exercise; even if you don't feel like you want to, you should still do it because it's good for you.
Being mean is bad for your health.
A single hostile interaction:
+ locks you in a cortisol penalty box for 60-90 min
+ suppresses recovery capacity
+ elevates your heart rate
Kindness conserves your energy resources.
Socially smart people often won’t tell you to your face when they disagree with you because they can sense intuitively that you are too attached to the outcome of the interaction and that you couldn’t handle disagreement. So they will just agree with you… but then you might not hear from them again.
It’s easy to assume this is “fake” when really it’s just what intelligent people do to protect their energy. If you went around saying what you really thought all of the time you’d make way too many enemies, and get in way too many unproductive arguments (cortisol spikes = aging)
Of course the only way to make genuine connections is to say what you really think… but especially if you intend to be deeply involved in society, you must train your intuition to know who can take it.