If you have someone who truly loves you, truly values you, wants to merge with you to create something greaterโฆwants to birth worlds with youโฆAnd you betray that pure intention with negligence, you've got something really fucked up inside you and you need to find it and destroy it.
Not to be dramatic, but I think every artist is dying a slow death as we speak. Whatever entity that used us to speak for it, is atrophying. Slow meditative effort and sincere appreciation is being drowned. I imagine a beached whale crying for the sea, but its a desert now.
Phenomenon yet to be explained is that you go through a deep suffering period, then wake up one day and literally just turn your life around. Can't consciously force it either. Best to absorb the right things during down periods to add precision and glory to that victory run.
Think of a deep well. A kind person draws water for you every dayโno complaint, no charge. But the well doesn't make water. It just holds what nature gives. If you keep drawing and never let it refill, one day the bucket comes up empty. The well didn't turn against you. It just ran dry. Their "cold anger" isn't punishment. It's the sound of an empty bucket hitting stone.
I need you to understand. If the relationship only works when you stay silent, suppress your feelings, and avoid setting boundaries, you're not being loved. You're being controlled.
When Dostoevsky said:
โIsolate as much as you want to
become stronger, even if you see
that loneliness is an unbearable hell,
it is much better than multiple masks of humans.โ