cj ballard

my car has no airbags 🏳️‍⚧️

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

@SCUNTUSKITTY itd be so fierce if you brought that hair back

[Daniel 🇲🇩 @ultr4nima]

white men talking about some “i’d die for my family” when u know damn well they’re talking about a murder-suicide

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

he’s right Jon Ossoff would look great in drag

[Ron Filipkowski @RonFilipkowski]

From the President of the United States on American Independence Day, 2:11 AM.

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

sorry America B for deriding you i have special places in my heart for both Missouri and Iowa. but having been there i want nothing to do with North Dakota

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

want to know what Peoria IL would feel like if it were put in a giant microwave? come to the National Mall today

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

i’m sure things are far from pleasant in NYC but as a DC area resident yall should be thankful that the brunt America B isn’t descending on your city for a fash-kitsch rally in the middle of a heat wave

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

if all you have is Tums everything looks like sour stomach

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

if a show runs long enough at some point the writers have to make the main character bisexual

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

took metro from Virginia through DC and into Maryland and now i’m going all the way back

[QuoProQuid @TNOQuoProQuid]

5-4 for a guarantee that is written in plain text in the constitution

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

i am one of maybe a dozen people who gets summer seasonal depression

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

no woman has ever said “Rubenesque” outside of an art history class its a phrase exclusively used by the most stimulant-addled man you have ever met

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

😼

[Michael @_britmonkey]

Most political compass tests are stupid and outdated, so I have created a political test that only focuses on REAL ISSUES of the 2020s. 64 questions that score you on four axes, including "Chud v Woke" and "Techbro v Luddite"

Reply with your results & tell me if it was accurate

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

@SCUNTUSKITTY watermelon wth branflakes…..

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

overhearing a conversation at a dive on Rhode Island Ave. guy talking about how one of his favorite weed strains is one they don’t grow anymore called “Sour Diesel. ” can’t believe that i ever let myself be convinced that smoking weed is a fun and worthwhile activity

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

‘wow jacqui what a beautiful woodland stream’ unfortunately im in Washington DC after a day of rain so it smells like ass and shit

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

my letterboxd ass thought this canva visual in a staff email was the Do The Right Thing poster

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

im in DC $22 an hour doesn’t go very far

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

every salaried staff member ive run into today: Hi! how are you :-)

me making 22 an hr no health insurance:

[cj ballard @retchingsounds]

after being turned down for a promotion after a first round intake, for an employer ive given 2 years of my life to, i am so willing to take any other kind of work or job simply to spite my current employer since they clearly don’t value me or have any interest in investing in me