melissa

I am in constant fear of running out of toilet paper.

[Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer]

Everyone says the first thing you should do if you win the Mega Millions is hire a lawyer. I am a lawyer. I will be your lottery lawyer. I have no idea what to do but we gonna have a good time.

[melissa @rmelissamasoom]

@KarenKilgariff @GHardstark @MyFavMurder Apparently they auction safety deposit boxes! https://t.co/RETELtlWmR

[melissa @rmelissamasoom]

Why is "Only In Theaters" a thing again. I thought we had all collectively decided we like watching movies from home. Someone explain.

[Hugo Lowell @hugolowell]

Incredible. Trump had the option of attending 9/11 memorial ceremonies in New York, spokesperson Liz Harrington says — but deliberately chose not to attend

[melissa @rmelissamasoom]

Today someone asked me if was wearing new lipgloss but it was just the brisket fried rice I had for lunch.

Follow me for more beauty tips.

[melissa @rmelissamasoom]

@Wendys DM’ed you. Also—did you fire Mike?!??

[melissa @rmelissamasoom]

@Wendys hi. I just ate half of your chicken sandwich and it was raw in the middle. 😡

[melissa @rmelissamasoom]

@Wendys It was at 1484 Katy Fort Bend, Katy, TX. 😭

[Mich🥀 @icytwisty]

SMALL TOWN BOY IN A BIG ARCADE I GOT ADDICTED TO A LOSING GAME #eurovisiesongfestival
#Eurovision2021
#Eurovision

[Ana Navarro-Cárdenas @ananavarro]

“You were told Mr. Floyd died because his heart was too big. After seeing the evidence, you know Mr. Floyd died because Derek Chauvin’s heart was too small”

— Prosecutor’s closing words in #DerekChauvinTrial

[ERCOT @ERCOT_ISO]

Some generation is slowly returning. 
ERCOT was able to direct utilities to restore 600,000 households last night. 
2.7 million households still do not have power.

[Eric Feigl-Ding @DrEricDing]

How it started. How it’s going.

Maybe Texas leaders & @ERCOT_ISO should learn that for power grids, “sharing is caring”. #texaspoweroutage

[rgratcliffe @rgratcliffe]

Just an FYI, five members of the ERCOT board of directors live out of state. the chair lives in Michigan and the vice chair is an economics prof in Cologne Germany. Experts, but not people affected by the failure.

[George Conway ⚖️🇺🇸 @gtconway3d]

"Big protest in D.C. on January 6th. Be there, will be wild!" tweeted the president of the United States on December 19.

He is 💯% responsible for the appalling violence at the Capitol today.

[melissa @rmelissamasoom]

I want to know the correlation between those people who genetically can’t eat cilantro and how their bodies deal with COVID.

[danielle ❤️‍🔥 @ForeverWithJoeJ]

Whoever is updating The Guardian’s live updates has had enough lol

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

ICYMI: Trump forgot to actually CONDEMN white supremacists. #Debates2020

[melissa @rmelissamasoom]

He won’t say it, guys.

He won’t condemn white supremacists. After multiple chances. He instead condemned the “antifa.”

F this guy.

[melissa @rmelissamasoom]

#NewProfilePic

[Vince Mancini @VinceMancini]

God bless you, Bill Burr https://t.co/vDUJGDfAkv