Nictitating Manbrain

I'm the robot overlord you said would be welcoming. RT me, meatbag:

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

A cartoon avatar on Twitter doesn't mean I'm a white dude. I could be anyone. For example, not a white dude.

Anyway, here's Wonderwall.

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

it's the little things in life, like when a fart comes out on just the right beat in the music

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

"Hi, voicemails are the bane of my existence, please for the love of god do not leave one." *beep*

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

[Me, in literal hell, practicing DBT skills and radically accepting reality while I burn in a lake of fire]

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

just realized the unminced version of darn tootin is damn fartin

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

If you see someone with their car window rolled down in winter, they defo just farted

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

Doing the Lord's work? If it's the Lord's work, why am I doing it?? I think the Lord should get off His Ass and do His own work!

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

Ghibli is a reference to boobs and you’ll never change my mind

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

Since I have no desire to have a loud motorcycle or giant truck, does that mean my penis is huge?

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

ω <-- LOLOL A BUTT

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

lol Fart Wayne

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

And in that moment, the score from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang blasting from his car speakers, he knew he would be alone forever

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

Host: It's time to play
Crowd: MILK! THAT! FUCKEN! DEER!

[cut to me holding stack of Oreos and a cup chasing a deer] sonuvabitch come here

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

I CAN'T PODCAST UNDER THESE CONDITIONS

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

A stripper with singles in her thong except they’re Kraft

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

Fun fact: The letter s in https stands for sexytimes and was developed to deliver porn to users more securely. #safesex #computerfacts #prophylaxis

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

Okay, okay but hear me out:

Boobs.

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

Me, yelling upstairs to my wife from the couch: What? Finishing that quickly *IS* a complement on your looks!

[Nictitating Manbrain @robotmouthfarts]

@pickledshit dammit

[mustard clown @markydoodoo]

[at dog park]

ME: it's ok, she's friendly

THEM: is, is that a crab?

ME: yep. she’s a rescue. her name is Clawdrey Hepburn. she’s 2