CHAMPAGNE MAMI

[CHAMPAGNE MAMI @royalfleekness]

@alexgoughcooper Parker

[sharonnn @sharonknya]

Today is the kind of day where you finish work and thank God you don’t have children, cos there’s just no way

[☔ @Whotfismick]

No one:

Me watching carpet cleaning videos at 2am:

[The Notorious J.O.V. @whotfisjovana]

ㅤ

[sydney ♛ @mornings0da]

I love saying “this is she” on the phone. Like yup.. that’s correct… you’ve reached the right bitch…

[Matt Margolis @ItsMattsLaw]

I’m sorry for that passive aggressive email, I thought you knew what you were doing at your job

[big honkin caboose @itsbighonkin]

I don’t feel insecure in my height but when I see someone else who’s also 5’2 I’m like ok well that looks ridiculous

[matt bernstein @mattxiv]

two men near death arguing about who is better at golf to attain access to the nuclear codes. should i kill myself

[Spenny Powers @ravens4dummies]

The Gay Orioles are unstoppable

[steven monacelli @stevanzetti]

Making two geriatrics argue in front of the entire country at 9PM is diabolical

[Akilah Hughes @AkilahObviously]

They shoulda just done hot ones and whoever lived can have it

[claire rowden @clx1re]

me going out to an event that I planned and arranged myself when I was in a good mood

[Timothy Sykes @timothysykes]

C'mon Roaring Kitty, just over 400,000 people waiting on you to come out and perform for us LOL...here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty...retweet this if you want @TheRoaringKitty to do his thing and pump $GME to da moooooon! Don't listen to your lawyers Kitty, just go hammmmm please! 🙏🙏🙏

[Sarah @sarahoftherings]

my brain when i’m hormonal and overstimulated

[Michael Good @michaelgooood]

every adult woman I know is reading like they're trying to qualify for a pizza party and every guy I know owes DraftKings $5000