Roy Burns

[Roy Burns @royburns]

@TheVegasVice Nature is healing... I played $15 Roulette at Encore, Saturday afternoon

[The Oxford Comma @RealOxfordComma]

That’s quite the girlfriend.

[Roy Burns @royburns]

@atriskute @TheKevinDalton Leads. Yeah they got us working in shifts!

[Roy Burns @royburns]

@ThoughtCrimes80 A “Phantom of the Opera” remix would go so hard here

[NASA @NASA]

Welcome home Reid, Victor, Christina, and Jeremy! 🫶

The Artemis II astronauts have splashed down at 8:07pm ET (0007 UTC April 11), bringing their historic 10-day mission around the Moon to an end.

[Roy Burns @royburns]

@Itsjoeco @CBSNews @adamyamaguchi

[Yam Peleg @Yampeleg]

The dumbest person you know is being told 'you are absolutely right' by some LLM right now.

[Mini Modu @MinModulation]

so by "bisexual" do you mean you have sex twice a week or once every two weeks

[Roy Burns @royburns]

@KatAUversion

[Michael Arrington 🏴‍☠️ @arrington]

I feel like I could become best friends with this person.

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

april fool’s day 10 years ago: uh oh! we’re wendy’s and all of our burgers are triangles now! tee hee

april fool’s day now: ronald mcdonald was on the island and burger king has footage to prove it

[Roy Burns @royburns]

@shiroan_chan

[Roy Burns @royburns]

@nyantamach222

[Roy Burns @royburns]

@UziObi "Every mission had a four-leaf clover, which was the style at the time"

[Roy Burns @royburns]

@datingbyblaine Make him watch “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”! He was boring too until he wasn’t

[james hawkins @james406]

110-year-old Turkish grandma shares her secret to a long life:

"i never once used Microsoft Teams"

[Roy Burns @royburns]

ummm... excuse me Outlook

[Roy Burns @royburns]

@Karl98Kurz "You seen that glove on Curley’s left hand?"
"Yeah, I seen it."
"Well, that glove’s fulla Vaseline."
"Vaseline? What the hell for?"
"Well, I tell ya what--Curley says he’s keepin’ that hand soft for his wife."

[Roy Burns @royburns]

@PuroWholesome @minnieportable unfortunately one of the worst movie dads

[Manifold @ManifoldMarkets]

BREAKING: [obviously fake, exaggerated claim designed to drive traffic to prediction market]