2021 ny resolution breaker

I'm using the internets

[Jean Allen @peakcapitolism]

It's 2027. The AI bubble has popped. The US dollar has bust. It's 500 dollars to buy a burger and it makes you immediately have diarrhea. The sun has been renamed America.

[Soph✨ @TinkerCunt_]

Please watch this 😂😂😂😂

[Kyle 🚄 @KyleTrainEmoji]

PICARD: Data, shields up

DATA: Brilliant! Shields can reduce damage we sustain. Not immunity. Not hubris. Just prudence. It's not precaution—it's strategy.

[camera shakes]

WORF: HULL BREACHES ON NINE DECKS

DATA: Here's what happened: you told me to raise shields, and I didn't

[Ed Zitron @edzitron]

This is the power of AI, you cannot prepare yourself enough for how it sounds

[Blake ™ @NeilNevins]

Commencement speaker: I love AI and I hate all of you. They gave me a big check to be here. I love firing people at my big company. I bet none of you would get jobs at my business now that we have AI

(booing)

Commencement speaker: oh? What? What?

[Katherine Argent @effthealgorithm]

Search is full of ads and wrong answers. Every other email is an ad. Prime Video charges you and shows ads. Paramount? Ads. Peacock? YouTube? Hulu? Ads followed by more ads. Netflix full of ads. Meta and X, every other thing is an ad. Pinterest is nothing but ads. AI is in everything. AI finishes sentences incorrectly and won’t stop. AI reads your email and search history to target you with more ads. Every time you open an app or visit a site there’s an update making it worse. In a hurry? First, click here to agree to terms you don’t have time to read and must accept. You need an account to do that. Change your temporary password. Enter your 2FA code. Check your email and enter that code. Now use a passkey. Your password is too simple to remember. Change it. No, not like that. Now log on. Enter your 2FA code. Check your email for a code… Welcome back! We’ve updated our terms of service and privacy policy (you have none). Subscribe to the site. Subscribe to Netflix. Subscribe to toilet paper. Subscribe to these groceries. Pay a membership fee for the right to subscribe then tip your driver who delivers the subscriptions your membership lets you subscribe to. Time to work? We’ve got to update your laptop and will slow down everything you do until you agree to update. But first, click here to agree. Update installed — your laptop’s broken now. It doesn’t matter, since your boss just replaced you with AI. Go to your phone to complain on social media. Wait, your phone needs an update so we can add more AI. Click here. Oh sorry, your phone can’t handle this update. Now it’s useless. Go get the newest phone. Here’s a text from a friend, an email, a voice mail they left three days ago but you didn’t see until now because of sync problems with the cloud. It’s their GoFundMe. Their MLM. Their Patreon. Never mind, you didn’t respond to their text within 9 minutes and now you’re no longer friends. They blocked you. Make new friends. Download this app to find people in your area. In your neighborhood. On your street. Two doors down from you. Do you know this person yet, we think you’d get along. You need an account to use this app. That username is taken. Enter a password. Not that one, you used it on another site. You need to be connected to WiFi to download the app. Allow the app to connect to other devices on your network. Allow the app to access your contacts, know your precise location, store your credit card details. Oops, sorry, we got hacked now all that info is available on the web. There’s a class action suit. You can join. It’ll take a decade to get your $3.73 share of the ten billion settlement. We’ll send it via PayPal or deposit it to your bank, just tell us those details. Oh no, another hack. That info is circulating now, too. Here’s a spam call, a spam email, a spam text. Why are you angry? Why are you talking about getting rid of your phone? Why don’t you like AI, it lets us make all of this easier? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? This is progress. You’ll be left behind. Do you want to be left behind? Do you???

[Awni Hannun @awnihannun]

Adopting Claude speak in my regular life, episode 1:

Partner: Did you do the dishes tonight?
Me: Yes they're done.
Partner: Why are they still dirty?
Me: You're right to push back. I didn't actually do them.

[Mo @atmoio]

AI is giving every CEO the same advice

[PropaGandalf the White 🌾 @PropaGandalf866]

It’s so funny that I’m supposed to be looking for employment but I wake up everyday and the most powerful person alive who everyone knows is a pedophile is threatening nuclear holocaust and plunging the world into an economic depression like okay time to write a cover letter

[2021 ny resolution breaker @rtbellows]

@kenklippenstein I’m here for more klip tips

[they/them might be giants ☭ @babadookspinoza]

*decades where nothing happens* wow this sucks. *weeks where decades happen* wow this is worse.

[Conner O'Malley @conner_omalley]

I’m 62 years old, I live in Tampa, I eat corn and beef everyday, I always have a titleist hat on, and Iran is the biggest threat to my freedom

[Jordi Hays @jordihays]

The largest workforce reduction as a share of total employees in S&P 500 history btw

[Jatin K Malik @jatinkrmalik]

The reason why RAM has become four times more expensive is that a huge amount of RAM that has not yet been produced was purchased with non-existent money to be installed in GPUs that also have not yet been produced, in order to place them in data centers that have not yet been built, powered by infrastructure that may never appear, to satisfy demand that does not actually exist and to obtain profit that is mathematically impossible.

[GoliathFan1952 @ByYourLogic]

This may hurt in the short term, but these are small sacrifices to make in order to make the labor market, entertainment, and countless other things far worse for the benefit of about 800 of the most misanthropic and insecure people to ever live

[hasanabi @hasanthehun]

no wars ended
cost of living still high
economy imploding
unlimited money to israel
trumps in epstein files
workers getting kidnapped everywhere

at least he banned trans athletes!
at least he’s canceling kimmel!

you’re an easily tricked adult and a fucking loser

[Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker]

there are no longer words to describe how stupid this country is. it’s now a cosmic horror level of dumb. the sheer fucking idiocy is impossible to view in full sight without turning to madness.

[Kyle 🚄 @KyleTrainEmoji]

Guy who rides one of these to work every day, fighting back tears: this is nothing compared to the GDP of Mississippi

[rat king 🐀 @MikeIsaac]

a genuine public service shutters, only to be replaced with the dumbest people alive

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

'Vacations.'

The word is 'vacations.'