Ryan Paul Johnson

Walking Quad

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

I don’t understand why @JackBox advertises to stoners but only has one stoner working the munchies shift

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

@BurnsAndGambo It was fun to watch the @Suns get punched in the mouth tonight and not fold for a change. Maybe a buzzer beater and confident OT trouncing of one of the worst team in league is all it’s going to take to save this season?
Let’s go @GraysonJAllen! #rallythevalley

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

gawd help me

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

I ate my last Spicy McChicken tonight. I’m officially too old for that shit. 😩😮‍💨
#heatburn
#forposterity

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

My favorite part of the nutcracker ballet is when they play the song from home alone

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

Fancy wheelchair #overheard

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

Watching rocky horror picture show.
Young Susan Sarandon still holds up.

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

@Hef0 in related news
I just watched Weekend at Bernie’s for the first time as an adult and it holds up

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

I’m not sure I really understood anything before I turned 40

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

I am an unapologetic narcissist which I feel horrible about.

[Andy St.Clair @stclairandy]

Please tell me that they went with the motto: "Did high do that?"

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

Either no one looks good in the @Whataburger uniform or no one good looking has ever worked at a @Whataburger

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

I hate when a show introduces a new villain at the end of the final season. This Josh Hawley has blood on his hands and everyone should know. He is a liar, an opportunist and used this moment to do a stump speech. @HawleyMO

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

I’ve gotten tons of messages “I’m losing fans” by expressing my dissatisfaction with our corrupt, incompetent President. While I appreciate people encouraging me to choose fame and money over decency, I’m afraid I’ll never be Donald Trump.

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

I love this rooster 🐔 https://t.co/JiXjA8E5Gl

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

@Hef0 Jesus, Mary & Joseph mother fucking Christ on a bike

[Pee-wee Herman @peeweeherman]

The guy from Unnecessary Inventions is always true to his word. Here's ANOTHER unnecessary invention... a phone case that scrolls for you!!

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

https://t.co/s34klR4t1E

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

https://t.co/s34klR4t1E

We’re live! join us & help us keep the laughs on!!
@DaddyBookins

[Ryan Paul Johnson @rxpxjx]

Invisible Allies https://t.co/TcAtdV6xrq via @Radiolab
@justincates this is interesting bro