คkค Ʀคςђ

I'm just here for the funny. and header by @awkwardphilippe

[คkค Ʀคςђ @ryan_rachryan80]

You talk an awful lot of shit for someone that's only 3' tall . Now get your ass In the house and quit acting like your daddy.

[คkค Ʀคςђ @ryan_rachryan80]

I need someone more adult than me to deal with today.

[✮ 🍓 ⋆ 𝒶𝓃𝒹𝒾 𝒹𝓌𝓎𝑒𝓇 ⋆ 🍓 ✮ @good_vibes_girl]

Who the fuck decided on the spelling of phlegm?

[คkค Ʀคςђ @ryan_rachryan80]

She fell in love with a mailman, and got her box stuffed.

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

It’s been Friday the 13th since March.

[ᏚᎢᎬᎬᏞ ™ @TheWidowmakerX]

I refuse to date skinny men.
The last one I dated, the wind blew him into someone else's pussy .... twice

[คkค Ʀคςђ @ryan_rachryan80]

I work hard for you all to ignore me.

[คkค Ʀคςђ @ryan_rachryan80]

@MarieAllOverAg1 I married mine.

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

I try not to get political on here but ketchup tastes good on fried eggs and I can’t stay silent any longer.

[คkค Ʀคςђ @ryan_rachryan80]

@BrosefWtheMosef So sorry for your loss.

[tazz @noneofyours99]

I want to be that grandma someday that everyone is afraid to take out in public.

[คkค Ʀคςђ @ryan_rachryan80]

Trouble and I were bff when I was a kid. Like we were scissoring we were so tight.

[คkค Ʀคςђ @ryan_rachryan80]

My disparaging thoughts are some one's eye candy

[คkค Ʀคςђ @ryan_rachryan80]

I'd do a line of coke before I'd do a car line.

[Blu @TwoSapphiresBlu]

I need you to be spontaneous. Be predictable. I need intimacy. Give me my space. Load the dishwasher. Not like that.

-marriage

[คkค Ʀคςђ @ryan_rachryan80]

I've let myself go to hell during this pandemic. My poor toenails look like I've been chewing on them.

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

Too young for a reverse mortgage, too old for a tree house.

[Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna]

Mildred’s cat, Mildred, is missing.

On a related note, Mildred named her cat Mildred.

Which is probably why the cat left in the first place.

[Anthony25 @AnthonyM334]

Scars only show where you've been. They do not dictate where you are going.

[austere @awakendmindsoul]

i am no longer the person you broke

[Claire Behind The Hair @urmumsausername]

[karate class]

sensei: left leg forward

octopus: *nervously sweating*