ryloc

that's me in the little hat, cleaning a milkshake glass and watching people talk

[OptaSTATS @OptaSTATS]

Since RBI became official in 1920, only one MLB player has had, over the course of his entire career (same game or not),

a game with 10+ RBI
a game with 6+ hits
a game with 5+ XBH
a game with 3+ HR
a game with 2+ SB

That one player is Shohei Ohtani. He did all of it today.

[ryloc @ryloc]

I love my daily routine of deleting a 4 second blank voice mail

[ryloc @ryloc]

I just got a new high score on "pissing other people's pubes down the drain"

[ryloc @ryloc]

@MenInBlazers Fitting celebration showing he is counting the number of teams he's scoring against

[ryloc @ryloc]

@garciavpaola @GoldCup Cuáles son los otros 2?

[ryloc @ryloc]

A podcast host tweeted while I was listening to one of their episodes and it's like hey wait, don't tweet when you're talking to me

[ryloc @ryloc]

Wow

[ryloc @ryloc]

It always makes me so happy when Conference Room immediately accepts my meeting invitations. Conference Room is so considerate and consistent.

[ryloc @ryloc]

@JimFerrell21 @steelers

[ryloc @ryloc]

This tweet is a week late but the diarrhea joke made me cry #TheLastOfUs

[ryloc @ryloc]

No no no don't d... Oh! DO IT AGAIN!

[ryloc @ryloc]

@EntitledCycling Ooh ooh, now do a Mercedes

[ryloc @ryloc]

It should be easier to acquire quarters

[ryloc @ryloc]

I once again forgot that roosters aren't polite and they'll just scream whenever they want

[ryloc @ryloc]

@Lionel10Prime I like when they fall

[ryloc @ryloc]

Not yet, but 🤞

[Kristi Yamaguccimane @wapplehouse]

ever been slapped in the fucking face with a fucking octopus by a fucking seal?

[ryloc @ryloc]

@PatrickBabbitt I created my twitter account exclusively to wait for someone to tweet this

[ryloc @ryloc]

@miketirico my friends and I were wondering if we invited you to hang out with us if you would leave early. Do you have thoughts on this matter?

[ryloc @ryloc]

@MacklenMak Ah, didn't consider that. That's a game changer

[ryloc @ryloc]

@MacklenMak Ooh, a chief, a cowboy, and buccaneer are indeed humans! Thanks for this!

(In a real life battle, a pirate would definitely defeat a cardinal)