Scott 🍕

Love: Jesus, family, and pizza
Like: over-hyphenating, parallelism, and Oxford commas

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

Coming out of Twitter retirement to document the fact that I successfully fixed this on the (LG) TV at our Airbnb earlier today (before seeing this tweet). The only other option was tearing it off the wall and chucking it into the pool. https://t.co/b0P6tJe3CF

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

@DearPOTUS46 Our first-grader drew this picture in class and asked that we send it to the President. I know she would love to receive a letter back from the White House if possible. Thank you!

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

5yo: "My favorite finger is my middle finger because it's the tallest."

Hashtag, parenting conversations I didn't expect to be having so soon.

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

This tweet prompted a late-90s/early-2000s soft rock listening binge for me and @ct_dub, and wow, what a trip down memory lane. In hindsight, playing the Drops of Jupiter chords for her in my dorm room is probably what sealed the deal for me.

[Counting Crows @CountingCrows]

Maybe this year will be better than the last

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

I don't think my family fully appreciates the sacrifice I made by courageously licking the cookie beaters clean, thus saving the women and children from salmonella. I'm not one to throw around the term "hero" lightly, but... just sayin'.

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

5-year-old, overheard in the next room:

"Hey Google, resume the living room TV."

...

"Hey Google, resume the living room TV!"

...

"HEY GOOGLE RESUME THE LIVING ROOM TV!!! "

...

[frustrated scream] "Google is the worst robot EVER!"

Kids + tech = new form of entertainment

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

A tragedy in 4 parts. #USA #USA #USA

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

@Rick_City ... or remember to un-mute before talking. This happens at least once a meeting:

[someone asks Person X a question]
[10 seconds of silence]
Person X: "sorry, I was over here on mute just yappin' away!"
[everyone laughs]

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

America's Covid response (or lack thereof) in a nutshell:

A heavily infected team is traveling to play a game in which they will breathe, sweat, and spit all over another team for 3 hours, because rich people need more money and we need entertainment. https://t.co/ZX4NMg3eSi

[Mike Garafolo @MikeGarafolo]

The #Ravens learned of two more COVID-19 positives before they left for Pittsburgh, sources say. One player and one staffer. The NFL told the team these individuals were previously identified as potential positives and there was no concern for further spread.

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

@dfry416 it's insane. Why are we still trying to force this? I mean, it's clear the NFL had some semblance of a plan going into the season, but they have to recognize that they've lost control.

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

The games MUST go on! I don't care if the entire 53-man roster has Covid ... you WILL put them on the field for my entertainment. https://t.co/p7jJVTWV3J

[Adam Schefter @AdamSchefter]

The most 2020 scene of all: Denver's QBs were deemed high-risk, close contacts because they were not wearing their masks. The Broncos will hit the field Sunday against the Saints without a quarterback.

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

Wait, what's that? Another massive outbreak? Games are now being played on Tuesdays? They have to add another week to the season and dismantle the traditional playoff structure?

That darn Covid is a sneaky one! https://t.co/PogtH1vQZ3

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

[checks in on the NFL; sees that the schedule is already in disarray as Covid begins to sweep across the league]

Huh. No way anyone could have seen this coming.

https://t.co/iWDAAXlZEY

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

[checks in on the NFL; sees that the schedule is already in disarray as Covid begins to sweep across the league]

Huh. No way anyone could have seen this coming.

https://t.co/iWDAAXlZEY

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

Meanwhile, other leagues press on as well.

Everyone with a brain: the best way to slow the spread is to avoid contact with others and transmission of bodily fluids.

NFL and NHL: we will proceed with our sports, in which *literally* every play involves these things.

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

Entertaining thread here. Waiting for a similar Christmas rant from @scott_m_coley. Make it happen, @mlzcoley. https://t.co/tOd1Da5COy

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

@dfry416 your use of hashtags and mentions on Twitter will be studied in textbooks for years to come. Unreal power move tagging the entire state of SD here.

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

My printer ran out of ink while I was printing my mail-in ballot yesterday. I'm not going to come right out and accuse HP of voter suppression, but the timing was VERY curious. Makes you wonder. 🤔

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

Of the myriad of people that insist on embarrassing themselves on social media, conspiracy theorists are among the most special. https://t.co/pso5mcbFuY

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

@dfry416 thanks for the update. Was unsure which way you were leaning 😏

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

@MSElliott85 @jebstuart @BrianWohlert @charlestm Haha! Thankfully @collbaseball worked his magic and turned us into a respectable ball club.

[Scott 🍕 @s_dub11]

This is incredible. Even during the darkest days of TJ baseball, I don't believe we managed to accomplish this. Correct me if I'm wrong, @jebstuart, @BrianWohlert, @MSElliott85, @charlestm, @ESPNStatsInfo.

[Baseball Quotes @BaseballQuotes1]

Rough first inning for Derek Holland.
He gave up five runs on four home runs while only throwing 11 pitches. 😬